Monday, June 26, 2006

Judge Empath

You scored as Judge. You are a Judge Empath, one who is a "truthsayer". You can tell truth from lies, good from evil. You do not tolerate wrong doing. You are a defender of the good and the innocent. You are kind and merciful but do not play foolish games. (from "The Book of Storms" by Jad Alexander)









Fallen Angel








What Kind of Empath Are You?
created with

Monday, June 19, 2006

Someone in my mommy group seems to be headed for induction.

[I actually posted this to a mainstream mommy group. Feeling bold today, but I can't bear to see it happen again.]

(Warning, I can't keep quiet about this. This post mentions some scary things, and is highly opinionated.)

How 'bout informed consent? Has anyone mentioned that due dates, fundal heights, and baby weight estimates by U/S can easily be off as much as 20%. Have they mentioned the risks for induction? I read a lot of pregnant infertile blogs. They keep inducing these poor women who tried so hard to conceive, and then putting the premature baby into intensive care.

I birthed three babies, 7.5, 8.5, and 9.5 pounds. The 9.5 pounder was the easiest by far. I could hardly walk, and hurt worse than a traffic accident for the 7.5 pounder. For the 9.5 pounder I was up and around within minutes. Why? Because I waited for the 9.5 pounder to choose his exit time, and the 7.5 pounder was induced, early. The 7.5 pounder was in the hosptial, on my back. The 9.5 pounder was birthed underwater without a hospital, or doctors, at a time of his choosing.

The induction rate around here is like 95% for hospital births. Pitocin is standard around here, and AROM (artificial rupture of membranes - break your water). You can refuse any treatment. Please don't let them bully you with their policies. Inducing five weeks early can carry lots of risk.

I'm sure the medicos feel they are doing the best thing for you. I just don't feel they have told you the whole truth. Please don't let a doctors fear of large babies lead you to a C section. I read about 11 to 13 pounders who are birthed unassisted. (To me unassisted means at home, alone with no midwife.)

My message here is to trust your body. Where you here to see Kelli's story as it unfolded? After she went in for induction, we held our breath for 6 days before she got online and said she and baby Caanan were okay.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Wait, we're not ready for you to push yet...

For my second, I walked in ready to push, and had been doing little pushses in the car on the way. I told that bleeping nurse she could catch it, but she wouldn't break down the bed until the ER doctor ran up. I should have stood up, and let her catch it on the floor.

How to have a natural birth in a hospital, 15 minutes from front door to baby born. I argued with them every moment. Let my doula and mom in the room, sorry no room. Get that oxygen off me, baby's heartrate dropped, yeh, to exactly my heart rate, I told them I was hyperventilating to get that mask off me. He ordered lactated wringers, and I said it's a baby not a traffic accident. I didn't even let them get a bleeping IV into me.

The night before they gave me that same crappy ultimatum I fell for with my first: let us break your water or you have to leave. This time I said, I'm leaving, and suddenly I was back to 4 cm, when previously they had said 6cm. I went home and ordered a pizza. I would have had the baby at home unassisted, I hated the hospital so much. The ex practically dragged me to the car.

Friday, June 02, 2006

I need a shill, any volunteers?

I need a shill, any volunteers?

When my third was nine months old, the church nursery suggested I
bring a bottle for the next visit. When I brought one of my
precious last bottles of Expressed Breastmilk to the next visit the
nursery worker asked what was in it. I proudly replied, and was

She wrinkled her nose, and told me that it was a hazardous bodily
fluid and offered me free safer formula to refil it. I fled in
tears clinging to my baby. In the main lobby crying on the phone to
my hubby, people were concerned until they found out why.

I wrote a letter, I talked to the director, others at
were more angry. The church maintains that I shouldn't expect
volunteers to take extra risk by handling my fluids. Yes, they
change diapers every service, but only females are allowed to diaper.

Now, ten months later, I still haven't attended another service. I
just wrote a little note to a pastor, saying that I haven't been
back, and it has shaken my faith. He sent back a corperate looking
form letter reffering me back to the director who doesn't feel that
a shame based message from your church followed by free formula is a

This bugs me. The website is even more pro formula now.

I want to know that the offers for free formula just for the
excusively breastfed infants have stopped. I want to know that a
new mom won't be shamed.

My baby is too big to take to the nursery. It's a wonderful place
other than that 'science' that formula rep must have sold them.
Does anyone here attend? Would anyone be willing to go and see what
happens if you bring a bottle of the best milk for humans?

I would like to be sure it is still a problem before starting in on
them again. Oh, and yes, they have a nursing closet, and pagers,
and encourage you to direct feed anywhere you like. Separate, but
not equal. Once again I've been told to do it like bottle moms.


My Father In Law died, and I've just stayed with hubby for comfort. Gary was a Korean war veteran, and he passed on Memorial Day with his son holding his head, and surrounded by family.

He went in for a routine chest Xray, in Jan 2006, and the diagnosis killed him quickly. After hearing the news that the cancer was in his liver, lungs and kidneys he only hung on a short while. His daughters were not ready to let him leave.

I feel callous and selfish.

His death was a victory. He got to die at home. Those that know me, know that I feel strongly that birth and death should be peaceful, and at home. I feared that they would continue to torture him with medical treatments, fortunatley they allowed him to die.

My employer gave me three days off, and it's been like a honeymoon with my hubby. We've only been married a couple of years, and I haven't really heard much about his dad. He talked so much he lost his voice. I mostly just said I don't have any words, and let him go on. We've come through this a whole lot stronger as a couple.

Wierd though, not having any control. Death on Monday, Funeral on Sunday? With no visitation? When the Hub came home Monday, I thought we'd be spending the week out with his famliy, not hiding at home watching old black and white movies. ( The Scapegoat, The Perfect Gentleman, it was a Frank Morgan sort of day (he was the wizard of oz))

I hate cut flowers. Once again, I am told that someone died, and we're all going in together on flowers. So I just pay, seems like less of an honor that being able to just cut something nice from my yard. I know Pop would like something handpicked better, he had quite a garden. Funeral flowers seem like such a scam. They don't last, and Pop doesn't need them now.

This is the second time I have lost a father in law. When the X's dad died, he spent days raging. Mad at God for taking his dad, who he had spent more than a decade not talking too. Sure that he was just gone, not gone somewhere. My current spouse is so different. He spent days talking about his dad, and grateful that he was there to hold him as he passed. Gratitude vs Anger, gratitude seems much easier.