This weekend I accompanied my little Girl Scout to her service events. She ran Bingo at a retirement home to complete her two year Bronze Award project. She did very well, and I'm proud of her for working towards her goal.
While sitting there viewing the facility and the residents, it dawned on me. I'm ready to enter the next stage of my life. I can now embrace the Crone and move past babymaking. I'd like to move into a facility where repairs are completed by someone other than me, and meals are served, and events are scheduled. Sure it'll be twenty years before I get there, but another baby would make that wait even longer.
I really liked the facility, and left my number so they could call me if the ever need another Bingo Caller. Sometimes the event is cancelled because the regular can't make it. I live very close and can run in on short notice. It seems like a nice way to do service.
So, like a light switch, I'm hoping to be done now. (Still waitng for the results of this cycle.) Unfortunately this doesn't change much in reality. I refuse to start birth control now or deny us of the marital bliss. The only thing that will change is my attitude. If God gives us another, I trust that we will enjoy the child he gives us. It's all up to him anyways.
This may explain why the recent loss didn't devestate me, like so many others whose blogs I've been reading, trying to understand about the dead baby club. I've lost at least three....
So, I'm requesting that any fertile thoughts that might have been directed at me, be sent to Dawn. Please send some healing and fertile thoughts for Dawn.