Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Shhh It's a Secret

In the previous post, I forgot to mention. I'm not sharing this possible baby with the world yet. Please don't tell, or talk to me about it. I've miscarried before, and it was hard doing the unannouncing.

Having unreasonable fears about facing another doctor. I've been told she's a midwife in doctor clothing. That's the best compliment I've ever heard. To face medical mistraining in order to be licensed in this draconian state which doesn't offer any way to license a laymidwife. She's also a lactation consultant, so that means she may be more supportive of not weaning Darling Son, just because I'm older and pregg'd. Many sOBs would pressure me to stop immediately, unaware of the stress it would cause me.

I had a dream, where I was waiting in a nice big airy well decorated space to meet my new doctor. My fear of heights overwhelmed me. I could see and hear what was going on with the other patients. I woke up before meeting her, but I don't think I stayed long enough to meet her, because of the way I could see down the stairs and out the window.

In real life, I'm considering whether I should write up a questionaire, a list of preferences, and some of my history in advance. I don't wnat to scare her, but maybe she's already on the same page. It's not like I have much of a choice. I need a doctor to save me from my disability plan overseer, and CPS. I can't go without care, because that is ...

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