Tuesday, June 02, 2009


Checking in to say I'm finally feeling better. I'm at a loss for the technical terms here. I just say lost the baby because I'm not sure, miscarriage/stillborn, but it doesn't really matter what I call it.No, we didn't name it or bury it. I just didn't have the strength to dig a hole, and Vince was so heartbroken. He took it much harder than I did. He's talking about getting snipped to prevent seeing me that way again. He was very worried, and kept asking me to stay home from work.I went in Friday, but stayed home again yesterday.

On Sunday, the bleeding started up again, and I seemed to have passed some more stuff. Today it is gone again. I don't remember being this wiped out by babies, a few days and I was up and around again. This time I've been on the couch for eleven days. It's a good thing Vince had learned to cook, and was able to feed me real food. Eating seems to help a whole lot. I seem to be a quart low, pale and weak. (Not a quart, really, just an automotive saying.) I have given pints to red cross often, and it never felt like this.If I don't stay feeling better this time, I'm going to call Dr. Kathy. I've been close to calling her a couple times, but seem to rebound again after I decide to call in the morning. I only called her once, the morning after to see how long until she'd recommend a bath, or driving.

Okay, TMI alert, going into the details....So, I met Ruth at Greenfield Village for lunch on Thusday May 21. She gave me her hotsling, and we rode the train. When I got back to work, I found a very small brownish spot on the toilet paper. I thought, that, maybe, after forty years, I must have wiped wrong. I did check my cervix, and it seemed the same. (I don't check it often, and now that I think back, it was more flower shaped.)The day went on, I took Vince out to see Star Trek, and dinner for his birthday. I thought the baby was moving, and had his foot in my cervix. I adjusted the car seat to make more room, because I felt full of squirming baby.I woke up at 3:30am and felt uncomfortable. Thought I had to poop. I gave a little squeeze, and then I felt that fullness, that meant the ute had emptied, and sploosh, out came the baby, in the sack. Ten fingers, and toes, a cute little face. I called Vince and told him to come inside, he was in the garage. He took it hard and started bawling. Then sploosh, placenta. Then I got dizzy, and stood up, I asked for help getting to bed. Next thing I hear Vince, upset telling me to get up. I had passed out and hit my head. He helped me get horizontal, and gave me some juice. I slept there for a couple hours.Fortunately my parents live close by. I called my Dad and asked him to pick up the girls for me that night, and take them to the grocery store. My parents were amazed at how well they know the market. They are nine and ten, and knew pretty much which brand and where to find everything. They were just told mommy was sick. We broke it to them after they were home. Sophia was a little upset, but Veronica managed to cover her glee. Nick cried for about twenty minutes, but hasn't mentioned it since.I'm thinking about trying again, maybe September. A summer maternity leave would be neat, while the kids are out of school.Long day today, I'm back to work, and heading to a visitation for my grandmother right after work today. She was 89 when she passed this weekend. She's been in and out of the hospital a lot. It's been very hard on my Mom. Please send your prayers my Mom's way. She had a procedure on Friday and was supposed to be resting when YiYa died. Mom didn't rest, and the cortisone shot for her urethra was her hope at not having her bladder slung again. (doctor induced childbirth injury)I'm taking tomorrow off for the funeral.

1 comment:

Lindsay said...

That is terrible! I am so sorry this happened. I know that you don't feel much and maybe it is that God gave you peace about it. I hope so. Again, I'm sorry.
I just wanted to thank you for pointing me in the direction of a place to find some peace of mind. I'll be visiting often.
xo lindsay