Shhh It's a Secret

In the previous post, I forgot to mention. I'm not sharing this possible baby with the world yet. Please don't tell, or talk to me about it. I've miscarried before, and it was hard doing the unannouncing.

Having unreasonable fears about facing another doctor. I've been told she's a midwife in doctor clothing. That's the best compliment I've ever heard. To face medical mistraining in order to be licensed in this draconian state which doesn't offer any way to license a laymidwife. She's also a lactation consultant, so that means she may be more supportive of not weaning Darling Son, just because I'm older and pregg'd. Many sOBs would pressure me to stop immediately, unaware of the stress it would cause me.

I had a dream, where I was waiting in a nice big airy well decorated space to meet my new doctor. My fear of heights overwhelmed me. I could see and hear what was going on with the other patients. I woke up before meeting her, but I don't think I stayed long enough to meet her, because of the way I could see down the stairs and out the window.

In real life, I'm considering whether I should write up a questionaire, a list of preferences, and some of my history in advance. I don't wnat to scare her, but maybe she's already on the same page. It's not like I have much of a choice. I need a doctor to save me from my disability plan overseer, and CPS. I can't go without care, because that is ...

No Name as of yet...

Here we go again. Darling Hubby was thrilled to hear the news.

You'd think with my thourough statistiacal background, and knowledge of the obstetric meat grinder, I wouldn't use the calendar for birth control. But what about God's will? Maybe he feels the I should give birth a fourth time. Maybe he feels I should make another angel. He never gives us more than we can handle. Sure why not have another baby at the age of 41?

Too bad I can't post this to the debacle, and give them the blow by blow of my version of a pregnancy and birth. Toots only allows her side into the debate.

Fortunately, I have found a doctor who does homebirths. Wow, there is a God, and she's looking after me.