update

Checking in to say I'm finally feeling better. I'm at a loss for the technical terms here. I just say lost the baby because I'm not sure, miscarriage/stillborn, but it doesn't really matter what I call it.No, we didn't name it or bury it. I just didn't have the strength to dig a hole, and Vince was so heartbroken. He took it much harder than I did. He's talking about getting snipped to prevent seeing me that way again. He was very worried, and kept asking me to stay home from work.I went in Friday, but stayed home again yesterday.

On Sunday, the bleeding started up again, and I seemed to have passed some more stuff. Today it is gone again. I don't remember being this wiped out by babies, a few days and I was up and around again. This time I've been on the couch for eleven days. It's a good thing Vince had learned to cook, and was able to feed me real food. Eating seems to help a whole lot. I seem to be a quart low, pale and weak. (Not a quart, really, just an automotive saying.) I have given pints to red cross often, and it never felt like this.If I don't stay feeling better this time, I'm going to call Dr. Kathy. I've been close to calling her a couple times, but seem to rebound again after I decide to call in the morning. I only called her once, the morning after to see how long until she'd recommend a bath, or driving.

Okay, TMI alert, going into the details....So, I met Ruth at Greenfield Village for lunch on Thusday May 21. She gave me her hotsling, and we rode the train. When I got back to work, I found a very small brownish spot on the toilet paper. I thought, that, maybe, after forty years, I must have wiped wrong. I did check my cervix, and it seemed the same. (I don't check it often, and now that I think back, it was more flower shaped.)The day went on, I took Vince out to see Star Trek, and dinner for his birthday. I thought the baby was moving, and had his foot in my cervix. I adjusted the car seat to make more room, because I felt full of squirming baby.I woke up at 3:30am and felt uncomfortable. Thought I had to poop. I gave a little squeeze, and then I felt that fullness, that meant the ute had emptied, and sploosh, out came the baby, in the sack. Ten fingers, and toes, a cute little face. I called Vince and told him to come inside, he was in the garage. He took it hard and started bawling. Then sploosh, placenta. Then I got dizzy, and stood up, I asked for help getting to bed. Next thing I hear Vince, upset telling me to get up. I had passed out and hit my head. He helped me get horizontal, and gave me some juice. I slept there for a couple hours.Fortunately my parents live close by. I called my Dad and asked him to pick up the girls for me that night, and take them to the grocery store. My parents were amazed at how well they know the market. They are nine and ten, and knew pretty much which brand and where to find everything. They were just told mommy was sick. We broke it to them after they were home. Sophia was a little upset, but Veronica managed to cover her glee. Nick cried for about twenty minutes, but hasn't mentioned it since.I'm thinking about trying again, maybe September. A summer maternity leave would be neat, while the kids are out of school.Long day today, I'm back to work, and heading to a visitation for my grandmother right after work today. She was 89 when she passed this weekend. She's been in and out of the hospital a lot. It's been very hard on my Mom. Please send your prayers my Mom's way. She had a procedure on Friday and was supposed to be resting when YiYa died. Mom didn't rest, and the cortisone shot for her urethra was her hope at not having her bladder slung again. (doctor induced childbirth injury)I'm taking tomorrow off for the funeral.

All done

Last Friday with no warning, a little pressure, and poof, pregnancy has ended.

More Tickers

Oh, and how could I miss the movement. Now I've seen the movement, the reshaping of my abdomen as the babe spins around. Waiting for someone else to get kicked.

Oops, How could I miss those movements

Well, I paid some attention last night. And I told Hubby about my fears that there was no movement. He immediately wanted me to call the doc and have her rush right over. He said that if he's dead, I'd need it sucked out. I calmly told him that at twenty weeks the otoscope might not pick up the heartbeat, and we'd feel worse, and that if the baby is gone my body would flush it out on its own. He said it's so big I'd need help. I pointed out that full grow babes are bigger, and mentioned how he fell for the medical industry propaganda again. That even without a heartbeat, I'd do fine. He firmly agreed nothing would bring back a heartbeat.

But then, a few minutes later after a glass of grapefruit juice, when I asked if he could feel this and see, he rushed right over. I wondered if it was a my guts moving or the 6.5" baby. Right away he placed his hand just under my ribs. I moved it under the belly button and showed him the boundaries of my mighty Ute. (Just under belly button, to both sides of the belly and down to almost the pubic bone. A small volleyball.) The babe co-operated, and obligingly nudged his Daddy. Several times, and we could both feel it at the same times.

I am greatly reassured. I also seem to remember doing this at about twenty weeks before. Feeling movement way early, and then thinking I was imagining it. Thank the gods that Hubby was willing to help me realize that it is not my imagination.

Maybe it's because my swelling has subsided, and the babe is in a comfy location. I seem a little smaller this week, but I seem to be carrying better. I'm kinda on the large side, and previously I've had looser abs, so the baby carried way farther forward. This time it feels more centered, closer to my backbone, more comfy for me.

So, panic rush to ER for an ultrasound has been averted. Hopefully all ultrasounds will be averted. It's only dawning on me this is the time most docs coerced me into going in for scientific experiments with bad results. Let them drink a half gallon of water and hold it for two hours and see how much it hurts. Tell them to not agitate the cervix just in case the placenta might have trouble since it is in the proper place for that time. I have yet to hear a good result from the ultrasound other than predicting the sex that was hoped for, and that is often wrong too. I wouldn't have an amino, or a termination, so why get an ultrasound?

I love my new doc, she doesn't recommend routine ultrasounds, because science has said they don't really help, only cause more worry.

Freaking out, or No longer imagining?

So, I thought I've felt the baby moving for weeks now, and it has stopped. I may have been overestimating gas and poop.

So, what will I do? Nothing. This doesn't change my mind about using the Doppler, because if there is no heartbeat, nature will take care of the rest. Nothing will bring it back.

I'm not even going to post this to the mommy group, because I don't want to worry everyone. Only the ones who've been dedicated enough to keep checking here, even though I haven't posted anything in months.

Odds, are the the good old Ute has moved into a move comfortable position.

The doc will come see me again on the first Tuesday in June, and the dates will put me into the range where the otoscope might pick something up. But, if the babe has stopped moving, I should be getting other symptoms by then.

No spotting, no hard contractions, just a little hicks, only a little ligament pain when I spring up too fast in the tub.

Thanks to the mommy group, I seem to have the rampant swelling of my ankles under control again. Elevation, lots of protein, frequent baths with sea salt and grapefruit seems to be what fixed me.

a ticker

second tri, and still going

Just in case anyone was wondering......

deleted

testing tickers

Swirling thoughts

Wow, my employer has changed policy, and now allows midwives to certify normal births. I think I had quite a bit to do with that. I kept telling them that it could save them lots of money. For a normal birth the costs are much lower. And as an added possibility, it could avoid some really expensive complications.

I guess it's time to submit my next appeal for the previous leave.

So, now that I have certified midwives to choose from, will I stay with Dr. Kathy? Probably, since the kind of midwife I want cannot be licensed as such in Michigan. I want one who doesn't work under a doctor. Now I'm trying to deal with choices I didn't know I had.

One of the happiest things about the change in policy is that new moms may find out midwives are an option they didn't know about.

Well, I have months to decide. I'm still waiting for the miscarriage. Since I've had lots more pregnancies than kids, I'm not really feeling this is real.

42 and pregged again

So many things rushing around in my head, and body. Hormones are a swooping. Wondering how my mom will take it this time. She's told me so many times how much burden another will be. I can only see it as a blessing.

I'm enjoying every moment while I can. Feeling my belly swinging in front of me. Watching my hips and butt shrink as I shed any extra weight. Finding clothes that are comfortable. Asking hubby to do any strange lifting for me.

I'm eating well, and sleeping extra. Getting my fluids, and some extra relax time. This is my seventh pregnancy, so I know the routine. Wondering what this time will bring for aversions and cravings. With Nicky I stopped liking raw onions, with all I tend to crave spicy food.

I'm wondering how our new food choices will affect this preg. We have cut out all dairy, cut way down on bread and eat mainly meat, veggies and fruits. Any sweets we now cook from scratch.

Last night I whipped up some coconut macaroons. Yummy, easy and fast. Iron Chef revealed coconut and chocolate for their secret ingredient, I got a wild hair for making something, and picked up Joy of Cooking. I had invented a recipe, cooked it, and we were eating our cookies before the Iron Chef started judging. So here's the 'recipe' before I forget:

6 egg whites, beaten to stiff peaks
1 custard cup of coconut macaroon
3/4 custard cup cane juice crystals organic
a splas of vanilla

baked near 400 for 17 minutes until edges were brownish. Seems like the cane juice made darker cookies than the sugar amy have, but they were so yummy. A big hit with Vince.

I deserve a medal, but here's a ribbon

Well, my son hasn't nursed since last Feb, so I guess we're done.

14 months + two years + 3.5 years = more than six years

counting

Cooking Candy

Well, still on the random access theme. Random glimpses into my life. We are on a candy making binge at home. Marshmallows, first I made a batch to prove it could be done better at home. Then hubby repeated it, to prove he could. Now he talks about whipping up some marshmallows like it is an everyday thing. As the bonus, ours taste better and don't have two dyes and terasodiumphosphate. The cost is about the same.

So, what do you do when you find baking chocolate but no box? How can you tell if it is sweet, semi-sweet, or unsweetened? Well, I couldn't tell, and I didn't want to bake with it, so the obvious choice was candy. I threw those three unknown squares into my candy/popcorn pot (2.5 quart covered nonstick sauce pan) with the end of the bag of sugar, and the end of the bag of powdered sugar, some turbinado, some cocoa, some corn syrup, a stick of butter and some water. Heat gently on med low until it boils down the sides of the pot, then cover five minutes to steam down the sides of the pot. Add candy thermometer and watch without touching until soft ball stage was reached. Remove from heat, add a splash (2t) of vanilla and stir while bubbling. Pour unto parchment (ungreased) cover and wait. (The cover keeps the kids and cats out, other homes may not require this step) I waited overnight and the fudgy goodness was easily peeled from the parchment and cut with scissors. The kids loved it. My hubby said this is what tootsie rolls wanted to be.

I joined spark people so cooking may have even more interesting turns.

On the babymaking front, hubby is starting to talk about doing it on purpose. He thinks I could get preg any Monday, I explained it was every fourth Monday. (slaphead)

Although, at my 'advanced maternal age' I could be ovulatiing anytime. I told him every other day would work better than Mondays. ;)

Thingy

Bah Humbug

So tired of the comercial Xmas. Hoping to make a happy holiday for my family out of construction paper, string, playdough and glue. This year my focus will be on Jesus and giving.

Food & Fun

Still not preg, aunt flo should be making her happy visit tomorrow.

On the live food front, man, you should see my hubby. He has realized how much food can f*ck with your life. Now, I do most of the shopping alone, and he eats the fresh food I provide. He is looking and feeling like a whole new person. The man who didn't used to be able to walk fast with me is now biking fourty miles just to see his pal.

Adventures in sprouting have been hit or miss. Sometimes yummy, sometimes forgotten and tossed. Instant soup has been a staple. A little broth and beans with a 24 hour sprout just needs to be heated and it's ready. The beans don't need 'cooking' since the sprouting makes them digestible. (do not sprout the beans in the broth, use water and discard.)

I am now a webmaster. Hear me roar. Hoping to make some fancy bits here soon. Wondering how much a site on the outside costs. Are there any free places to put my html so the kids can see it? I'm going to try putting some things here.

Try again?

Well, I'm almost old enough to give up. The ticker probably won't be so loud anymore. Nicky is getting old enough to be helpful and listen to directions. He's almost ready to be done with diapers.

Am I ready to give up. After reading infertile blogs for so long, it seems like cheating. It is so hard for those women to get and stay pregnant, how can I just not do it when it might be so easy.


Well, how fair is it to the new baby? Grandbabies in about a decade. I'd be in my sixties when he'd be in college. Why do I let other peoples expectations even factor into this?

I'm really starting to beleive in no birth control, leave it up to God....

Nothing much

Just checking in, in case anyone reads this. Not preg, getting over the winter nasties. Starting to shows hubs the live food diet.

Adventures in sprouting will commence.

Not much going on...

Just stopping in to say, nothing.

Calendar day 8 was my chance this month. Haven't even had a chance in way tooooo loooong.........