random access

Wow, time flys

2011-08-19T15:54:00.000-04:00

A year since I posted, how time flys. Well, my cycles are getting longer. I've had a few times when I bought a stick to pee on, but no luck. I've started sleeping later and resting more. Welcome to menopause.

If they are asking for it, they are too old

2010-08-16T09:58:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, Veronica brought me a little picture album to ask me which cat was in a picture. We flipped through the other pages and I saw one of her. I explained that she was only a few minutes old, and look at those hands. She made this curly sort of gesture like she was looking to feel for boobs. I said that those hands meant she was asking to nurse.

If we look at the illogical phrase in the light of the bottlefeeding is normal commercial media. It does make sense. Typically scheduled bottle feedings should end when the child is talking. Asking for a feeding is wrong because we are supposed to watch the clock instead of the child. This is another case of holding breastfeeding moms to standards created for bottle feeding.

(reposted here from comments I made elsewhere, to save or myself)

Another stick has been disposed of. Two weeks late, and no sign of anything. CVS early response is 54% accurate four days before cycle start, and 99.9% on cycle start day. So, if we haven't DTD in twelve days, that should mean.... Menopause ... Right?

Stick said no

2010-08-10T14:31:00.000-04:00

Ten days late. POS last night, BFN. It was new moon. I'm thinking I should do something to commemorate the occasion. In thirty years of cycling, I've never been a week late without involving a fetus. This is the beginning of menopause,and I should celebrate my new phase.

I'm thinking some time alone might just be what I should do to honor the start. From reading susun weed, I know that taking time to just be with my new self is the best thing I can do to embrace it instead of fighting.

(I don't usually use the acronyms, but I thought it might prevent this from being TMI for those who don't know the terms by heart(ache).)

Late again....

2010-08-06T09:52:00.000-04:00

The happy visitor failed to arrive on Monday, and now it is Friday. I guess I'll be buying a stick to pee on soon. Not getting my hopes up. I had my well person visit on Wednesday and talked about how my cycles are sometimes more frequent and sometimes the flow lasts much longer than my previous thirty years of cycling. Her answer, "Welcome to menopause."

Oh Well

2010-03-24T13:21:00.002-04:00

I guess I can give away more baby stuff this month.

Still waiting

2010-03-23T09:15:00.000-04:00

Yep, still waiting for my happy visitor. Couldn't help myself. est. DD Nov 29th

Any minute I expect to wipe and the dreams will end.

Again and Again, is it menopause or a baby?

How many years can I dream? Dream a little dream for me.

Late

2010-03-22T09:56:00.000-04:00

My happy visitor did not arrive this morning. Am I hopefull? Yes. Wondering if this is another chance. Not getting myhopes up, but dreaming again.

I did give away some baby stuff this cycle, thinking I was done.

another ticker

2010-02-16T11:05:00.002-05:00

words from a friend

2010-02-08T09:16:00.000-05:00

My friend posted this recently to console someone else who had a recent loss. I asked her permission to repost it here since it reflects my opinion so well. Thanks Marlowe for letting me repost it here:

"I don't know what your beliefs are. If you believe in an afterlife and/or reincarnation, I wanted to share that I've read the idea that the most evolved souls are those who are with us for such a brief amount of time. Unlike the rest of us, those who leave us as babies or young kids had little to learn here on this plane; they are already ready to progress---to fly and soar in a different place and form. To love one of these souls is an honor; a painful, harrowing, sorrowful honor to be sure. "

(end quote)
Grief seems to come very slowly to me, I shed a few tears here and there, but haven't been consumed by it like so many others whose blogs I read. Maybe because I already have three successfull pregnancies, another loss didn't hurt as bad. I'm up to three losses and three babies. Plus the bonus of my wonderful step-daughter. It feels selfish having so much, and reading about others' loss to console myself.

Knowing I grew a baby long enough for God to welcome him back so soon does seem like an honor.

Another cycle, but not many more

2009-11-05T15:20:00.000-05:00

This time my cycle was only 26 days. I was crampy and emotional for like the first time ever due to my cycle. Either my cycles are winding down or we had a near miss (MC) this cycle.

Embracing the Crone stage of my life.

missing my babay

2009-10-15T09:32:00.000-04:00

We were going to name the baby Alex. The due date was Oct 5th, 2009. Alex went back to heaven in May. My life went on. Vince has been very sad about the loss. Today is a remembrance day for lost babies: http://www.october15th.com/origination.htm

I've been wondering when I'd process my loss. At first I was worried about my recovery, then I was worried about Sophia and Vince, I never really grieved. Well, I think today it hit me. I'm sitting in my cube at work crying. I think my time to grieve has arrived.

When I lost Amber in 1995, as a childless person, I was devestated. It took years to finally get preg again with Sophia, and the techno birth didn't really help. With Veronica, I was healed by an empowered birth where I actually fought off many procedures while in labor at the hospital. With Nick, I thought I had turned in Superwoman being able to birth naturally and not get any ill effects from the birth. (With Veronica I picked up an acre wide rash on my butt from the hosptial sheets.) We lost another pregnancy when Nick was about two, but it was at ten weeks, and still in the not quite sure range.

At twenty weeks, I was pretty sure I'd be holding my newborn, now. I'd be on maternity leave now, sitting in a rocker and nursing. Instead I've been reading baby loss blogs and trying to understand.

Another cycle

2009-10-07T09:56:00.002-04:00

Well, I guess I'm going to start counting my cycle as 29 days. It was fun dreaming for a day anyways.

Late? Am I a baby killing monster?

2009-10-06T09:59:00.000-04:00

Well, just to make things interesting. I'm late again. My cycle should have started this morning.

So, am I worried, am I going to the dollar store on the way home? I just don't know. I'd love to have another baby during the summer break. Unfortunately, I feel that even if I'm pregnant again, it will only be for a short time. I've got to face it. Nick is now Five, and we haven't used any prevention methods the whole time. We've lost two pregnancies in that period, one at ten weeks and one at twenty. So, even if I get to enjoy another pregnancy, I don't think I'll be making another live baby.

I've been taking my bioflavinoids and folic acid as the doc recommended, just in case.

And for a bonus, I've been sick with a flu like illness for days now. Finally clearing up. Nothing bad, just the sniffles and an occasional fever. At least Nick is a great eater and managed to avoid our illness. I'm fortunate that he stills loves all food, and will eat for health.

Change of Plans - Ready to go on

2009-09-28T09:58:00.000-04:00

This weekend I accompanied my little Girl Scout to her service events. She ran Bingo at a retirement home to complete her two year Bronze Award project. She did very well, and I'm proud of her for working towards her goal.

While sitting there viewing the facility and the residents, it dawned on me. I'm ready to enter the next stage of my life. I can now embrace the Crone and move past babymaking. I'd like to move into a facility where repairs are completed by someone other than me, and meals are served, and events are scheduled. Sure it'll be twenty years before I get there, but another baby would make that wait even longer.

I really liked the facility, and left my number so they could call me if the ever need another Bingo Caller. Sometimes the event is cancelled because the regular can't make it. I live very close and can run in on short notice. It seems like a nice way to do service.

So, like a light switch, I'm hoping to be done now. (Still waitng for the results of this cycle.) Unfortunately this doesn't change much in reality. I refuse to start birth control now or deny us of the marital bliss. The only thing that will change is my attitude. If God gives us another, I trust that we will enjoy the child he gives us. It's all up to him anyways.

This may explain why the recent loss didn't devestate me, like so many others whose blogs I've been reading, trying to understand about the dead baby club. I've lost at least three....

So, I'm requesting that any fertile thoughts that might have been directed at me, be sent to Dawn. Please send some healing and fertile thoughts for Dawn.

ticker

2009-09-22T09:37:00.001-04:00

Dream a Little Dream for Me

2009-09-22T09:15:00.003-04:00

Well today should be ovulation day. I'm still hoping for this cycle, but our efforts have been spotty. meaning although we DTD often, completion only happened Sunday.

Oh, and I'm wondering if saliva might interfere with the little swimmers.

I'm really hoping to pee on a stick on the due date for the half pregnancy I just enjoyed.

Oh, and I've been reading a bunch of pregnancy loss blogs and wondering why I'm not devastated like they are. Sure, we've got four kids between us, and I've had three births and three losses, but I'm been reading about a loss after four, and she seems to be grieving endlessly. Please send prayers for her.

Seems like a great deal for me. I was able to enjoy being pregnant again. It may have been my last time. I lost the babe at twenty weeks with no warning, and no worries. We even saw a movie that night and had a date. I was upset that my body wasn't able to do my usual superwoman stuff for a month after the loss. I was upset that I wasn't able to honor all my work commitments on time. I was crying that my coworkers were so nice about telling me to take all the time I needed to recover. I really wasn't upset about the babe at all? ??? Still wondering why the loss isn't making me sad like the other blogs I've been reading. Am I a monster? Or, did the babe just go back to God. My faith seems to have really helped me here. Thinking of making angels instead of dead babies seems to be how my outlook differs from the loss blogs I'm reading.

Next up, I'd like to find a better calendar and ticker site. That babyzone calendar has failed. I'm tired of it not remembering the info, even for five minutes. I never liked the babyzone advice anyways. Off to find a better place to track my hopefulness.

No testing required

2009-09-08T08:59:00.002-04:00

That was fast. I post that I'm late, and Viola, my happy visitor has appeared.

I was hoping for next month anyways for a summer vacation Maternity Leave.

No News is Good News

2009-09-08T08:16:00.003-04:00

My happy visitor did not appear yesterday, or today. Thinking about hitting the dollar store on my way home. Do I dare hope? Do I bother to test? Can't I just keep dreaming a few more days?

My hormones are a surging. Can I be this lucky?

yet another ticker

2009-09-04T09:02:00.000-04:00

To commemorate my recent half pregnancy.

Dreaming, again

2009-08-31T09:26:00.002-04:00

So, it's fun to dream. We have a chance at conceiving again this month. I almost threw up on my toothbrush this morning. I've been sleeping and eating more.

The due date would be May 17th. I was hoping for a baby during Summer vacation next year, just one cycle later. Murphy's Law would have me catch on this cycle ;)

I cried a little when I read 10cm's blog today.

2009-08-26T08:10:00.005-04:00

This was so nice, I thought I'd post it again. It really expresses how I feel about my recent loss. I think of it like making angels.

Copied From:
http://10centandbeyond.blogspot.com/2009/08/i-thought-of-you-i-thought-of-you-and.html

"I Thought Of You I thought of you and closed my eyes and prayed to God today.I asked what makes a Mother and I know I heard him say.A Mother has a baby this we know is true.But God, can you be a Mother when your baby's not with you?“ Yes, you can ” He replied with confidence in His voice“I give many women babies; when they leave is not their choice.Some I send for a lifetime and others for a day.And some I send to feel your womb but there's no need to stay.”I just don't understand this, God, I want my baby here.He took a breath and cleared His throat and then I saw a tear."I wish I could show you what your child is doing today.If you could see your child smile with other children and say""We go to earth and learn our lessons of love and life and fear.My Mommy loved me oh so much I got to come straight here.I feel so lucky to have a Mom who had so much love for me.I learned my lesson very quickly. My Mommy set me free.I miss my Mommy oh so much but I visit her each day.When she goes to sleep, on her pillow's where I lay.I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear"Mommy don’t be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm Here"."So you see my dear sweet one, your child is OK.Your baby is here in My home and this where she'll stay.She'll wait for you with me until your lesson is through And on the day that you come home she'll be at the gates for you.So now you see what makes a Mother - it's the feeling in your heart.It's the love you had so much of right from the very start. "

*********************************************

So, am I hopeful again? I had a good cycle on the 10th of August, and there is a possibility that we could be off to the races again. This morning I almost threw up on my toothbrush. I have a dental appointment on Sept 1, and will probably decline Xrays, again. It's kinda neat that I can decline almost any routine procedure because of my indeterminate state. It really seems to confuse medical professionals that I don't use birth control and usually can claim that I don't know if I'm pregnant.

I was hoping for trying in September so I could have the maternity leave during the kids Summer vacation. So, with Murphy's law always in effect, a May 17th due date would be possible.

I'm 43, and keep wondering if I should stop. But then I'd have to mess about with side effects of birth control, they all have them. Faith in God helps a whole lot. He won't give me more than I can handle.

It's kinda funny, just 6 years ago I had a kinda personal conversation with my boss at the time. He's a practicing Catholic, and I asked him about not planning every preg, and leaving it up to God. I really couldn't understand then. Now I do.

So, we won't be doing anything. It will happen, or I'll stop cycling, it's all good.

2009-07-10T11:54:00.002-04:00

So, here we go again. I think that was a period, starting two weeks ago tomorrow and lasting three days. On and off like a light switch, no muss no fuss, no lingering, but pretty pink not dark.

Before that I consulted the ever-so-wise mommy group and discussed my chances and choices. This title's post is the conclusion I came to with their help. So, we won't be doing anything. It will happen, or I'll stop cycling, it's all good. So, no birth control, no charting basal temps, no hurry.

I was given a sling the day before our loss. Since I may not be using it, I sent it to my cousin in Japan who is expecting her first. She loved it, and the DVD explaining it too. I also sent the hooter hider that I had bought for my hubby for a father's day gag gift. My mom was already practicing how to draw a huge pair of natural breasts on it. The cousin got it without the modifications. Not that I feel covering is required, just that it is nice to feel secure in the beginning when you are getting the hang of whipping them out without being super-obvious.

The cousin was five days past forty weeks. I'm sending prayers that they don't induce her, and just wait for the baby to be born healthy.

update

2009-06-02T09:35:00.000-04:00

Checking in to say I'm finally feeling better. I'm at a loss for the technical terms here. I just say lost the baby because I'm not sure, miscarriage/stillborn, but it doesn't really matter what I call it.No, we didn't name it or bury it. I just didn't have the strength to dig a hole, and Vince was so heartbroken. He took it much harder than I did. He's talking about getting snipped to prevent seeing me that way again. He was very worried, and kept asking me to stay home from work.I went in Friday, but stayed home again yesterday.

On Sunday, the bleeding started up again, and I seemed to have passed some more stuff. Today it is gone again. I don't remember being this wiped out by babies, a few days and I was up and around again. This time I've been on the couch for eleven days. It's a good thing Vince had learned to cook, and was able to feed me real food. Eating seems to help a whole lot. I seem to be a quart low, pale and weak. (Not a quart, really, just an automotive saying.) I have given pints to red cross often, and it never felt like this.If I don't stay feeling better this time, I'm going to call Dr. Kathy. I've been close to calling her a couple times, but seem to rebound again after I decide to call in the morning. I only called her once, the morning after to see how long until she'd recommend a bath, or driving.

Okay, TMI alert, going into the details....So, I met Ruth at Greenfield Village for lunch on Thusday May 21. She gave me her hotsling, and we rode the train. When I got back to work, I found a very small brownish spot on the toilet paper. I thought, that, maybe, after forty years, I must have wiped wrong. I did check my cervix, and it seemed the same. (I don't check it often, and now that I think back, it was more flower shaped.)The day went on, I took Vince out to see Star Trek, and dinner for his birthday. I thought the baby was moving, and had his foot in my cervix. I adjusted the car seat to make more room, because I felt full of squirming baby.I woke up at 3:30am and felt uncomfortable. Thought I had to poop. I gave a little squeeze, and then I felt that fullness, that meant the ute had emptied, and sploosh, out came the baby, in the sack. Ten fingers, and toes, a cute little face. I called Vince and told him to come inside, he was in the garage. He took it hard and started bawling. Then sploosh, placenta. Then I got dizzy, and stood up, I asked for help getting to bed. Next thing I hear Vince, upset telling me to get up. I had passed out and hit my head. He helped me get horizontal, and gave me some juice. I slept there for a couple hours.Fortunately my parents live close by. I called my Dad and asked him to pick up the girls for me that night, and take them to the grocery store. My parents were amazed at how well they know the market. They are nine and ten, and knew pretty much which brand and where to find everything. They were just told mommy was sick. We broke it to them after they were home. Sophia was a little upset, but Veronica managed to cover her glee. Nick cried for about twenty minutes, but hasn't mentioned it since.I'm thinking about trying again, maybe September. A summer maternity leave would be neat, while the kids are out of school.Long day today, I'm back to work, and heading to a visitation for my grandmother right after work today. She was 89 when she passed this weekend. She's been in and out of the hospital a lot. It's been very hard on my Mom. Please send your prayers my Mom's way. She had a procedure on Friday and was supposed to be resting when YiYa died. Mom didn't rest, and the cortisone shot for her urethra was her hope at not having her bladder slung again. (doctor induced childbirth injury)I'm taking tomorrow off for the funeral.

All done

2009-05-29T10:42:00.000-04:00

Last Friday with no warning, a little pressure, and poof, pregnancy has ended.

More Tickers

2009-05-19T08:49:00.002-04:00

Oh, and how could I miss the movement. Now I've seen the movement, the reshaping of my abdomen as the babe spins around. Waiting for someone else to get kicked.

Oops, How could I miss those movements

2009-05-15T07:29:00.003-04:00

Well, I paid some attention last night. And I told Hubby about my fears that there was no movement. He immediately wanted me to call the doc and have her rush right over. He said that if he's dead, I'd need it sucked out. I calmly told him that at twenty weeks the otoscope might not pick up the heartbeat, and we'd feel worse, and that if the baby is gone my body would flush it out on its own. He said it's so big I'd need help. I pointed out that full grow babes are bigger, and mentioned how he fell for the medical industry propaganda again. That even without a heartbeat, I'd do fine. He firmly agreed nothing would bring back a heartbeat.

But then, a few minutes later after a glass of grapefruit juice, when I asked if he could feel this and see, he rushed right over. I wondered if it was a my guts moving or the 6.5" baby. Right away he placed his hand just under my ribs. I moved it under the belly button and showed him the boundaries of my mighty Ute. (Just under belly button, to both sides of the belly and down to almost the pubic bone. A small volleyball.) The babe co-operated, and obligingly nudged his Daddy. Several times, and we could both feel it at the same times.

I am greatly reassured. I also seem to remember doing this at about twenty weeks before. Feeling movement way early, and then thinking I was imagining it. Thank the gods that Hubby was willing to help me realize that it is not my imagination.

Maybe it's because my swelling has subsided, and the babe is in a comfy location. I seem a little smaller this week, but I seem to be carrying better. I'm kinda on the large side, and previously I've had looser abs, so the baby carried way farther forward. This time it feels more centered, closer to my backbone, more comfy for me.

So, panic rush to ER for an ultrasound has been averted. Hopefully all ultrasounds will be averted. It's only dawning on me this is the time most docs coerced me into going in for scientific experiments with bad results. Let them drink a half gallon of water and hold it for two hours and see how much it hurts. Tell them to not agitate the cervix just in case the placenta might have trouble since it is in the proper place for that time. I have yet to hear a good result from the ultrasound other than predicting the sex that was hoped for, and that is often wrong too. I wouldn't have an amino, or a termination, so why get an ultrasound?

I love my new doc, she doesn't recommend routine ultrasounds, because science has said they don't really help, only cause more worry.

Freaking out, or No longer imagining?

2009-05-14T10:35:00.007-04:00

So, I thought I've felt the baby moving for weeks now, and it has stopped. I may have been overestimating gas and poop.

So, what will I do? Nothing. This doesn't change my mind about using the Doppler, because if there is no heartbeat, nature will take care of the rest. Nothing will bring it back.

I'm not even going to post this to the mommy group, because I don't want to worry everyone. Only the ones who've been dedicated enough to keep checking here, even though I haven't posted anything in months.

Odds, are the the good old Ute has moved into a move comfortable position.

The doc will come see me again on the first Tuesday in June, and the dates will put me into the range where the otoscope might pick something up. But, if the babe has stopped moving, I should be getting other symptoms by then.

No spotting, no hard contractions, just a little hicks, only a little ligament pain when I spring up too fast in the tub.

Thanks to the mommy group, I seem to have the rampant swelling of my ankles under control again. Elevation, lots of protein, frequent baths with sea salt and grapefruit seems to be what fixed me.

a ticker

2009-03-31T10:38:00.001-04:00

second tri, and still going

2009-03-27T11:54:00.000-04:00

Just in case anyone was wondering......

deleted

2009-03-12T12:10:00.001-04:00

testing tickers

2009-03-12T10:03:00.000-04:00

Swirling thoughts

2009-02-20T10:26:00.004-05:00

Wow, my employer has changed policy, and now allows midwives to certify normal births. I think I had quite a bit to do with that. I kept telling them that it could save them lots of money. For a normal birth the costs are much lower. And as an added possibility, it could avoid some really expensive complications.

I guess it's time to submit my next appeal for the previous leave.

So, now that I have certified midwives to choose from, will I stay with Dr. Kathy? Probably, since the kind of midwife I want cannot be licensed as such in Michigan. I want one who doesn't work under a doctor. Now I'm trying to deal with choices I didn't know I had.

One of the happiest things about the change in policy is that new moms may find out midwives are an option they didn't know about.

Well, I have months to decide. I'm still waiting for the miscarriage. Since I've had lots more pregnancies than kids, I'm not really feeling this is real.

42 and pregged again

2009-02-09T08:27:00.003-05:00

So many things rushing around in my head, and body. Hormones are a swooping. Wondering how my mom will take it this time. She's told me so many times how much burden another will be. I can only see it as a blessing.

I'm enjoying every moment while I can. Feeling my belly swinging in front of me. Watching my hips and butt shrink as I shed any extra weight. Finding clothes that are comfortable. Asking hubby to do any strange lifting for me.

I'm eating well, and sleeping extra. Getting my fluids, and some extra relax time. This is my seventh pregnancy, so I know the routine. Wondering what this time will bring for aversions and cravings. With Nicky I stopped liking raw onions, with all I tend to crave spicy food.

I'm wondering how our new food choices will affect this preg. We have cut out all dairy, cut way down on bread and eat mainly meat, veggies and fruits. Any sweets we now cook from scratch.

Last night I whipped up some coconut macaroons. Yummy, easy and fast. Iron Chef revealed coconut and chocolate for their secret ingredient, I got a wild hair for making something, and picked up Joy of Cooking. I had invented a recipe, cooked it, and we were eating our cookies before the Iron Chef started judging. So here's the 'recipe' before I forget:

6 egg whites, beaten to stiff peaks
1 custard cup of coconut macaroon
3/4 custard cup cane juice crystals organic
a splas of vanilla

baked near 400 for 17 minutes until edges were brownish. Seems like the cane juice made darker cookies than the sugar amy have, but they were so yummy. A big hit with Vince.

I deserve a medal, but here's a ribbon

2009-01-27T14:34:00.002-05:00

Well, my son hasn't nursed since last Feb, so I guess we're done.

14 months + two years + 3.5 years = more than six years

counting

2009-01-20T08:16:00.001-05:00

Cooking Candy

2009-01-20T07:54:00.003-05:00

Well, still on the random access theme. Random glimpses into my life. We are on a candy making binge at home. Marshmallows, first I made a batch to prove it could be done better at home. Then hubby repeated it, to prove he could. Now he talks about whipping up some marshmallows like it is an everyday thing. As the bonus, ours taste better and don't have two dyes and terasodiumphosphate. The cost is about the same.

So, what do you do when you find baking chocolate but no box? How can you tell if it is sweet, semi-sweet, or unsweetened? Well, I couldn't tell, and I didn't want to bake with it, so the obvious choice was candy. I threw those three unknown squares into my candy/popcorn pot (2.5 quart covered nonstick sauce pan) with the end of the bag of sugar, and the end of the bag of powdered sugar, some turbinado, some cocoa, some corn syrup, a stick of butter and some water. Heat gently on med low until it boils down the sides of the pot, then cover five minutes to steam down the sides of the pot. Add candy thermometer and watch without touching until soft ball stage was reached. Remove from heat, add a splash (2t) of vanilla and stir while bubbling. Pour unto parchment (ungreased) cover and wait. (The cover keeps the kids and cats out, other homes may not require this step) I waited overnight and the fudgy goodness was easily peeled from the parchment and cut with scissors. The kids loved it. My hubby said this is what tootsie rolls wanted to be.

I joined spark people so cooking may have even more interesting turns.

On the babymaking front, hubby is starting to talk about doing it on purpose. He thinks I could get preg any Monday, I explained it was every fourth Monday. (slaphead)

Although, at my 'advanced maternal age' I could be ovulatiing anytime. I told him every other day would work better than Mondays. ;)

Thingy

2008-11-26T11:53:00.001-05:00

Bah Humbug

2008-11-21T12:39:00.002-05:00

So tired of the comercial Xmas. Hoping to make a happy holiday for my family out of construction paper, string, playdough and glue. This year my focus will be on Jesus and giving.

Food & Fun

2008-08-12T11:15:00.003-04:00

Still not preg, aunt flo should be making her happy visit tomorrow.

On the live food front, man, you should see my hubby. He has realized how much food can f*ck with your life. Now, I do most of the shopping alone, and he eats the fresh food I provide. He is looking and feeling like a whole new person. The man who didn't used to be able to walk fast with me is now biking fourty miles just to see his pal.

Adventures in sprouting have been hit or miss. Sometimes yummy, sometimes forgotten and tossed. Instant soup has been a staple. A little broth and beans with a 24 hour sprout just needs to be heated and it's ready. The beans don't need 'cooking' since the sprouting makes them digestible. (do not sprout the beans in the broth, use water and discard.)

I am now a webmaster. Hear me roar. Hoping to make some fancy bits here soon. Wondering how much a site on the outside costs. Are there any free places to put my html so the kids can see it? I'm going to try putting some things here.

Try again?

2008-04-11T13:30:00.002-04:00

Well, I'm almost old enough to give up. The ticker probably won't be so loud anymore. Nicky is getting old enough to be helpful and listen to directions. He's almost ready to be done with diapers.

Am I ready to give up. After reading infertile blogs for so long, it seems like cheating. It is so hard for those women to get and stay pregnant, how can I just not do it when it might be so easy.

Well, how fair is it to the new baby? Grandbabies in about a decade. I'd be in my sixties when he'd be in college. Why do I let other peoples expectations even factor into this?

I'm really starting to beleive in no birth control, leave it up to God....

Nothing much

2008-03-12T12:13:00.001-04:00

Just checking in, in case anyone reads this. Not preg, getting over the winter nasties. Starting to shows hubs the live food diet.

Adventures in sprouting will commence.

Not much going on...

2008-01-17T15:17:00.000-05:00

Just stopping in to say, nothing.

Calendar day 8 was my chance this month. Haven't even had a chance in way tooooo loooong.........

Awards for me ...

2007-10-26T14:29:00.000-04:00

for Sophia 14 months

For Veronica 2 years

For Nicky 3 years and still going strong

Just thought I could use a pat on the back.

still hoping, about so many things.

2007-10-11T09:43:00.000-04:00

My life is in such turmoil right now, how can I even hope? Having trouble making ends meet. Hubbby has been back on Dairy. Milk it makes his body psycho.

Last night I dreamed that I gave birth. The hubby didn't call the midwife in time. Healthy baby, but a lecture for not calling. Yes, oh course, I birthed at home.

Wondering how to come up with $3000 for a homebirth. Thinking about just going to the hospital last minute like with Veronica. How cheap is that. Risking my baby by going to the hosptial. I love my new doc. She doesn't have hospital priveldges, she attends births at home.

So many things happening today. My parents went down home for a funeral. My girlfriend's hubby is in ICU for a fall from a roof. Measles are spreading in A^2.

I lurve my new mommy group. A place where extended breastfeeding and caring for your child is normal. Gentle parents who have a terrific amount of knowledge on how to care for your child, without smacking or shots.

So nice to be able to look into their lives. Hoping to spent more time with them. They are like parenting superheroes. Arnica, slings and homebirth, oh my. I think I've finally found normal.

Please send prayers for Joe.

I love Hathor

2007-10-08T09:25:00.000-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LU3nYxuppVU

A video about breastfeeding in our milenium.

Still Dreaming

2007-08-15T09:36:00.000-04:00

Well, day 0 has arrived again. The good news is that now Hubby has started to dream too. Also when I checked the Chinese birth calendar Aug conception for birthing at 41 years is a girl, but at 42 years it's a boy. Yep, I get two tries in august. The first and the 29th. Headed to update the due date next. April 23 plus one cycle equals May 21, so that would be a Taurus or a Gemini.

Dreaming is fun. Especially with no pressure. Already having three kids I'm not positive the goddess wants to send me more. Nice leaving it up to her.

note about the Chinese birth calendar: It's based on the month of conception and the age of Mom at birth.

Dreaming

2007-08-14T08:41:00.000-04:00

Well, in my eternally optomistic world, I calculated the due date. Even though my cycle isn't due until tomorrow. April 23.

Wondering if I'll even pee on a stick, and when. If Thursday morning comes without a happy visitor, I'll think about spending the money. But, I'd be pretty sure without it. Sore boobs, having to pee, a lot, and sleeping more. I go lay down at 8:30 to gestate.

Aren't dreams and hopes wonderful. Hubby is dreaming right along with me. He's even picked names, Alexander or Alexandria. So it's Alex either way. We recently saw Alexander the great, and decided on the name then.

A button for good hopes

2007-08-09T12:27:00.000-04:00

href="http://www.cyclesista.com/2007/06/sidebar-bling.html">Get a button

Another chance

2007-08-03T10:01:00.000-04:00

Well, after many months of no chance at all, due to lack of the necessary bit. I get another chance. Donation achieved, in the traditional manner on the ovulation date. We'll see how it goes.

Of course the symptoms started the very next day. Having to pee, suddenly. Cramping, tiredness. My mind hoping for a fourth birth.

Having a well person checkup next week. Looking forward to having Hubby meet my new doc, who specializes in home birth. As we were hoping for another birth, yesterday, we said he was sorry it wouldn't be with Bridgett. I tried to convince him Dr. Kathy would be just as good. I'd go with Bridgett again in a heartbeat, if only my employer would still pay my maternity leave.

After reading so many infertile, and pregnant infertile blogs, I almost feel guilty that I think I can have a baby this easily. At 41 should I really be trying again. I think the kids really want another. I would be great for teaching the girls how to mommy. Besides, I've got another forty years expected, so I'll be around for them. Already planning to work forever, and never retire.

Presumptuously

How long?

2007-06-29T14:01:00.000-04:00

plus 14 month plus 2 years for the other two kids.

Dorothy

2007-06-13T07:49:00.000-04:00

Hi Dorothy,

Thanks for leaving a comment on my blog. I only post sporadically.

Well, your matter seems urgent (see comment left on last blog entry). Please remember that you can refuse any treatment, even induction. Just say no. The doctors around here can be bullies. Which hospital makes a big difference.

The due date is the middle of the one month 95% confidence band. This means that 2.5% should run longer than 42 weeks. 50% should run longer than 40 weeks. The meds around here seem to think 38 weeks and out.

Please consider refusing pitocin. When I was in maternity triage at Beumont it seemed like they gave it to everyone, even the ones who were progressing. Pitocin makes it hurt worse, the artificially strong contracts look good on the monitor, but aren't good for the baby.

Hmmm, Waterford, Hopefully you're going to ABC Providence.

Don't let them break your bag of waters. I was threating break your water, or go home. I fell for it the first time. The second time I went home and had a good nights rest.

Actually it turns out that is an empty threat. If you want to stay you can.

Have you considered a Doula?

I'm praying for you. This is one of the worst aeras for patient rights. Insist on informed consent. If you don't understand, make them keep explaining until you do. Ask what risks are involved with each procedure. If they say none, they are lying. Even the IV has risks. When they pump you up full of fluids, it dilutes the hormones which are causing labor. Sometimes they will allow a HEP lock instead. That way you have a good vein tapped, but nothing going into it.

Insist that they let you drink water. Eat if you're hungry.

After the baby is born, don't let it out of your sight. Go along for the hearing test. Refuse formula. (I'm assuming you will breastfeed.) Hopefully you've already made up your mind not to circ. If not go to mothering.com and there are lots of things to convince you in their forums.

stocking up 99 at y@h00 please decode, no spaces and you know that big internet ending, I'm hiding it from the bots.

Praying for a happy birth. Let that baby cook as long as you can. You may feel huge and miserable now, but a full term baby is so much easier to care for. With my first they convinced me that 37.5 weeks was enough. It was a rough start.

email me with any little issue, I'd be happy to help. I'm not a doctor, I have no medical background, but I have done six years of nursing among my kids. Rest and nurse, eat, drink and pee. If it's not on that list it can wait until hubby gets around to it. People will want to come see your newborn. They must wash their hands first, they should bring you some food with every visit. Ask them to bring food, you need to eat, and will not have time to cook.

It's your baby. You're a mom now, you make the rules.

(For anyone else - Yep over the top and opinionated, if you don't like it go read somewhere else. It's my blog.)

Another cycle - Another chancce to convince Hubby

2007-05-25T10:31:00.000-04:00

I couldn't convince him to make a time appropriate contribution, for the last wo months. He thinks the littlest should be six before we add another.

Essay test

2007-05-25T08:37:00.000-04:00

This test was posted at http://hospitalbirthdebate.blogspot.com/

By Mariah

This is your essay test:

1. What are the pros and cons for the US to have a SYSTEM of respectful partnerships between OBs, FPs, CNMs, and CPMs (to give adequate, necessary care that allow women to choose and be responsible?)

2. Who is responsible for the outcome of the outcome of ten months -- other than the mother?

2a. How does gestation and mother's life impact the labor and birth and who is truly "responsible" for the "outcome?"

3. To what degree and how is the medical or midwife caregiver legally responsible for the mother's choices, birth experience, and outcome?

4. How can obstetricians in the US decrease maternal and infant mortality? If you don't have an answer and are fine with the current situation of the maternal and fetal mortality, that will tell us a lot.

** here's what I replied ***

1) The Pros of a respectful partnership are Mother centered care with a focus on helping her see birth as a normal thing. An empowering birth leads to better breastfeeding, and a more confident mother. A more confident mother leads to fewer ER visits and "is this normal" frantic nightime calls to the ped. The Con is that it doesn't support the economy as well. Lower hospital costs, and less long term care doesn't push around as many dollors.

2) Sorry, I pick Mother. I am the keeper of my childrens health, until I empower them to choose for themselves. Just because the docs said it was a good idea, doesn't relieve me of my responsibilities. Okay, if I can't pick Mother, I'll pick the internet, where I can do random research.

2a) A healthy pregnancy lays the foundation for a lifetime of health. That's one of the benefits of a midwife, she helps with eating a healthy diet, and feeling well spiritually. Prenatal Scare is a poor way to start out. When the doctors take all the power, it leaves Mom in poor shape to care for a newborn, and dependant on the professionals.

3) Legally, doctors are free to cut you against your wishes. Midwives are to be hunted for any outcome, even optitmal ones. If you planned to birth in the hospital, and the cytotec kills, it is just God's will. If you birth a genetically incompetent baby at home, they say it's your fault, it would have somehow survived in the hopsital.

4) Support homebirth. Provide care when transports present at your hospital. Most doctors in my area will not do backup care, and would rather you labored alone at home, than with a midwife.

testing the weather pixie

2007-05-11T10:14:00.001-04:00

Do you have any more details about Baby Born in Birth Center Parking Lot?

2007-05-10T14:54:00.001-04:00

http://www.fox12news.com/Global/story.asp?S=6391600

Curious to see what this is really about. Mom called midwife, and
arrived alone at the birth center. (No Hubby?) The midwife mistook
her for someone who lived much farther away, and hadn't arrived yet.

Mom had the baby in the parking lot. This is where it gets weird.
Mom is panicked and runs to a nearby house, calls 911. And now 48
hours later the baby is in NICU, and the grandma is trying to put
the midwife out of business.

Is this just the standard midwife hunt? Why's the baby in NICU?
How long until the midwife did show up?

I firmly believe you're safer having a baby in a car, than in a
hospital. I would be the one sitting in the car nursing, until the
midwife arrived. I think this story underlines how indoctronated
women are to you can't have a baby without a professional to oversee
it.

(For my second, I tried to convince the (now-ex)husband to pull the
car over, so I could have the birth on the side of the road. He just
kept driving.)

Try Again

2007-04-25T14:09:00.001-04:00

Something

2007-04-18T08:38:00.000-04:00

Hi All,

Just a little something to let you know I'm still here. Nice to know someone is reading, even if they only left a gutless anonymous post. Easy to bash others feeling if you don't leave a link to your blog. Way Way back in the church thinks breast milk is a hazardous bodily fluid archives, and they tried to shame me for putting other babies at risk. Hey, they wrong bottle of formula can kill instantly from anaphilactic shock, and the CDC has seen no evedence of tranmission of anything from just one bottle of another mom's BestMilk.

On other fronts, if it catches this week, I think it would have to be a girl. Hoping for a positive on Tuesday. If the happy visitor doesn't appear Monday, I'll probably go get a couple tests.

I had a hopeful time last month, but alas, I misread the calendar. The happy visitor arrives right on time.

Send a little prayer to Chelle, she's into crunch time at school, again.

Have you heard the Ronald McDonald House in Texas has reared an anti-boobie ugly oral policy? You can read it on Mothering.com in the Lactivism forum.

http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=656675

Yeah, announce that you are about to breastfeed, if you think anyone might be offended, and be discreet.

ticker

2007-04-03T10:46:00.001-04:00

Another internet thingy

2007-03-16T13:56:00.001-04:00

Your Personality Is Like Cocaine

You're dynamic, brilliant, and alluring to those who don't know you.
Hyper and full of energy, you're usually the last one to leave a party.
Sometimes your sharp mind gets the better of you... you're a bit paranoid!

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

Why do they scare laboring women

2007-03-16T13:03:00.001-04:00

I left this comment at the Hospital Birth Debate today. She discussed why nurses and doctors create a climate of fear, with the best of intentions.

http://hospitalbirthdebate.blogspot.com/2007/03/reason-they-disrupt-mothers-in-labor.html

Thanks for making it clear. I have wondered why the nurses and doctors seemed intent to set me up for a surgical birth. Once we see it as normal, we produce similiar results.
The more I read your blog, the more I see how much I escaped from with my first birth. I shouldn't have had to fight for a chance at a vaginal delivery. But I wouldn't consent to a C. The magic 25 hours was up since he had prematurely broke my water, at 37.5 weeks. They said I was at 9, and they wanted to cut me. I said no I want to push, and they let me try. I'm amazed the my first born is still alive. The mercury, the induction, the stupidity (mine). She is not nearly as healthy as my next two. Thinking about starting EFT to try and help her.
I have said that birthing fixed me. This post helps me understand why I'm so much healthier now than before birthing out of the hospital. By creating a new model, I am closer to my natural self.

And on a similiar note this was in the news today

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070315/ap_on_he_me/tb_exposure;_ylt=Aq.Bttjhjf5jEWyALjddHsu9j7AB

TB exposure in NY at the hospital. Another reason to birth at home.

More unsolicited Advice

2007-03-09T08:09:00.000-05:00

I left this at unexplain this, she is returning to work soon. The doc found a lump in her milk makers which may be a plugged duct. http:\\unexplainthis.blogspot.com

I really like Yeast Defense. It is probiotics and cayenne, and keeps my milk makers happy. My midwife thought it was terriffic while nursing and pregnant. Available at most health food stores.
While your there maybe some organic flaxseed to sew into a pillow. I nuke it until it is hot, and apply at the first sign of any duct trouble. The heat will help to unplug it.
I remember how hard it was putting my first baby into daycare. Can you stagger the hours that your husband and you work? He did dropoff, and I did pickup so she could spend more time with a parent.
Two wonderful resources for nursing moms are www.kellymom.com and mothering.com
I found that reading a hardcover book while I pumped at work improved my speed and supply. The hardcover was easier since I didn't have a handsfree setup, and it distracted me enough to help with letdown.
I figure that the one pump produced more than 4000 ounces of milk for my children. After eleven months I stop pumping, and my supply is well established for extended nursing after that.
Do you have an area set up for pumping at work? An extra set of horns was worth it, so I didn't have to wash them at work, just throw them in the dishwasher when I got home.
So happy for you. Thanks for sharing the baby moon with us.

Out of the Box

2007-03-08T08:17:00.000-05:00

Wow, I love the ways Breast & Belly writes. People get so angry with me when I think outside the box. This post gives me some insite into why.

http://homeschoolislove2.blogspot.com/2007/03/how-come-no-one-is-ever-concerned-when.html

Hello 911, there is a pregnant person on my porch.

2007-03-05T12:13:00.000-05:00

http://frectis.net/?p=603#comment-3651

This post by Frectis strikes my fancy. Imagine the nerve of some people. Thinking he can show up on a midwifes doorstep, against his wife's wishes to save money. And what the bleep, insurances that no longer covers maternity services?

Been reading a bunch on birth recently. How are we harming children with all these confounded medical experiments. Really we don't know if hospital birth routines are safe.

I'd love for homebirth to be then norm, but without planning, it would endanger Frectis beeing able to help the women who want it.

After unplanned relative shows up on porch:

Hello 911, yes, I have a pregnant person on my porch who sounds like she may kill her husband. I think she's in labor.

Healthy Baby Diagnosed with Failure to Thrive - again

2007-02-23T11:14:00.000-05:00

Hi, your internet healthcare provider here, another diagnosis on the nets in which I counter a doctor's horrible advice to wean since the scale said her baby lost a pound in ten days. In short, her baby is happy, healthy, and passing milestones promptly but the almighty scale said the baby lost a pound in ten days. So the doctor told her to cut out nighttime nursing and give water instead. To limit the nursing and give more solids. After a return visit where the baby had gained weight, she was coerced into supplementing with formula, and the baby only drank an ounce and then played with the bottle. Here's what I replied in her thread on Mothering.com:

So sorry to hear that your ped is putting you through this grief.

Is he using a BF baby weight chart, or does it have formula ads on it? Did he recommend a lactation consultant? Does he have one on staff?The advice he gave you is aimed at weaning, not producing more milk. Most of the education he's had recently comes from the formula rep who visits with free samples and helpful office items. There is no boob rep.

When babies get mobile, they slim down. A one pound weight loss in ten days is not something I would believe. Something must be wonky with that scale. When you press on the baby's skin, does it go white and then return to normal quickly? Did he even show you how to check for hydration? If your baby had actually lost a pound that fast, you probably would have taken him to the ER for the more obvious signs of trouble, like projectile vomiting for a week.

I feel sorry for your ped, he can't handle the way that boobs don't have rings to measure ounces, and is trying to force you to use methods he can see.If all other signs are good, weight is not the end-all be-all of health. Milestones, temperament, skin color, and a full diaper pail of breastmilk poop are your health indicators. Please reconsider the slippery slope of supplementation he has coerced you to ride. How heavy is that diaper pail when you empty it? Diapers weigh very little, that weight is your milk.

Bender - Patrick

2007-02-21T08:47:00.000-05:00

Here's a comment I left on Julia's blog. She was concerned her four year old was taking a liking to lipstick and tiarras. (Here There Be Hippogriffs - Bender http://julia.typepad.com/julia/2007/02/bender.html Jenny left a nasty comment about how could she not force Patrick to comform, and soemthing about Julia's struggles for a second child being wrong if she considers tiarras appropriate for a boy. )

My six year old girl likes to wear dresses, in the winter, in Michigan, to school. We compromise, and she wears pants under the dress, and looks very nice. (Dress is short enough not to be a problem for gym.)

I put my two year old boy in a dress sometimes, just for giggles, and of course pictures. Especially if Daddy didn't want to change that last diaper. I think that by denying little things, they become big things. Unless you make a big deal of it most phases will pass.

Notice how Jenny didn't link to her blog? Can you imagine how many new visitors she would have, and the helpful comments we might have left?

Interfaith Diversity Retreat

2007-02-20T16:24:00.000-05:00

That sure was interesting. Exploring interfaith diversity through music. I just went on a 24 retreat. The price was right, it was close to home, and I brought lots of yarn.

I finished my scarf on the knitting loom. I finished the purple squares for my afghan, and started on the fuchsia. I had 22 hours away from the baby, and the big baby (DH).

It was interesting seeing the dynamics among the clergy who attended. They'd done this before, and seemed to be building friendships. All except on of the Muslims who kept trying to lead. He thought they needed to get the message out there, and crystallise the intent. I thought it was very nice just seeing them share together. The room really seemed to change every time he went out to answer his phone. He seemed to be on a very different wavelength. I think he had good intentions, but he appeared to bully the rest.

I was an outsider, being the only one who didn't have a congregation. They all seemed to lead a church, or mosque, or whatever. I received an invite through work, and it didn't really say what the group was about. Sharing spiritual music seemed like something to broaden my horizons. I just didn't know how far.

And, for the punch line. They wanted to continue the dialogue online, and no one knew how to set up a yahoo group, except me. So now I hold the moderator keys to their continuing dialogue.

Still here

2007-02-15T08:32:00.000-05:00

Yeh, I went quiet for a while, but all is okay.

Thinking about trying for a little girl. Could be a possibility at this very minute.

Worried about the re-evaluation of support payments. We're 50/50 on custody, but he gets more nights the way it is set up. I get more time with them when they are awake. I pay him now, because I was making more when we set up the initial amount. Now he probably makes more, but they have probably forgotten the initial deal. Besides, I have another child now.

There is a spot where I can mark pregnant but at this point it's only a maybe. Knowing me, it is a probably, but the form is due before I'll be sure.

I may never be able to afford taking the girls on a vacation like their daddy does. He has bought a jet ski and a four wheeler, and a new grand prix. He can't be doing that bad. I'm selling my second car, since I need the money to pay bills. No sure if adding a page to the form is a good idea or not.

This year, the tax return didn't even dig me out of the whole. Hopefully I can recover my three weeeks salary lost from maternity leave and sell the car, but then what if I get hammered with more support?

I've been reading hosptial birth debate, and it really is convincing me I should do my part for the gene pool. So sad how all these well meaning people are hurting the future of the human race. (My Darwinist slant) Even premature cord clamping seems to be harming every baby.

Now that I found a care provider, getting pregged again really seems like a good option. I know, how will I afford it? The kids aren't really that expensive, its the household. I have a five bedroom home, and I think we'll all fit.

I've been reading a little bit pregnant. Wow, she is an amazing writter.

I'll try to write more often.

Prayers for her Boobies, and Praise for Herbie

2007-01-19T08:49:00.000-05:00

Lavendar has Mastis, please send prayers her way. Here's the comment I left on her blog:

Sending prayers your way. Mastis is often a signal that you need to care for yourself, more.

At the first sign of trouble, I have my hot herbie. Organic flaxseed, sewn into a bit of fabric, about a pound. Then I microwave it until it is warmer than I can take, and put it on any sore spot on my mighty milk makers, with a shirt or something to mitigate the heat.

I rest and apply that at the first sign of trouble.

You may want to check with your midwife if heat is okay first. I've been lucky in my half dozen years of production not to get mastis, so I don't know the rules.

I think Herbie has kept my jugs a flowwing. I keep some in the freezer for booboos too. They can go from freezer to microwave in case a sore muscle wants heat too.

(Hopefully some unsolicited internet advice and a chuckle can help too ;)

For the Baby, not for the 'experience'

2007-01-18T14:59:00.000-05:00

http://neonataldoc.blogspot.com/2007/01/home-ii.html

A small clip from his post: "I still think that the best solution is for hospital based deliveries to get better, to ditch the impersonal and degrading garbage associated with them."

Today NeoHero may have saved more babies than he realizes. The link above should lead you to his post. My reply is below:

Pro-homebirther here, I fled from the hospital based infirmary system to protect the baby, not for the experience. In all my reading I've only seen pro-hospital folks think we did it for the experience.

After reading Henci Goer, Obstretric Myths vs Research realities, I knew that the interventions cause the majority of the depressed babies. Even the IV was shown to delay labor. It dilutes the hormones in your bloodstream that the baby put there to say, "Now". The intake forms dismiss labor. Literally we get scared and shut down labor. Animals need a safe quiet place to labor, if they are threatened, they can delay labor until safe.

Thanks for acknowledging that hospitals must change if we want fewer dead babies. How 'bout if we start by forbidding the docs to say, "We must break your water or you have to go home"?

Too Much for Mothering

2007-01-18T07:48:00.000-05:00

I posted the previous blog entry minus the title and the first paragraph at Mothering.com, with the Title Disappointed to see this moved to Breastfeeding. It was moved from the Lactivism forum to the general breastfeeding area.

My post was yanked and I was told that critisizing the moderators was against the user agreement. I thought disappointment expressed my feelings, not a critique of her skills. The mods must have a hard enough time with so many diverse members (chrunchy?). My disappointment is that people still don't get it, the way doctors are always putting down the boob, and honoring the formula through the formula reps repeated 'free educational' visits.

Any message from a doctor which states that formula has it, but breastmilk doesn't, so you need to do X to make up for not using formula should be countered by lactivism.

Thinking about sending the mod a note, but it would probably just make her bad day worse. I reposted the entry, minus the title line. What do you think? I removed the disappointed part, and just posted the rest. Capitualation?

I can't really think how to phrase a reply to the mod that wouldn't dig a deeper hole. I think I'm growing. Like how yesterday I started with a compliment about how I liked the new paper towel dispensers at work, before I asked to have one adjusted. The new ones you just pull the paper out, no handle to push.

Breastfed Infants Hassled gain - Lactivism vs the Doctors/Formula Reps

2007-01-17T11:11:00.000-05:00

Disappointed to see the thread where a doctor suggested iron drops for a breastfed infant moved from the Lactivist forum at www.mothering.com to the Breastfeeding forum.

Peds give the message that "formula has X level of iron, and Breastmilk doesn't. You must give these drops (of basically poison if given in a higher dose) to make your milk as good as formula."

I see this as another message that breastmilk is less than formula. The formula reps have mal-educated the doctors, again. Yes it is true that formula has higher levels of iron than breastmilk. What they leave out is that the iron in breastmilk is much more adsorbable, and doesn't have the harmful side effects of artificially added iron. Also, since breastmilk doesn't irratate the stomach lining and cause that blood loss inot the intestines, a little iron goes a whole lot farther.

http://www.naba-breastfeeding.org/images/Just%20one.pdf

Let's go for a Walk

2007-01-16T09:56:00.000-05:00

( posted as a commnet on a friend's blog. hoping to remember to post more about his later.)

What's the name of the diet? Which magazine?

I'll probably be starting Weight Watchers again here at work, but only because it's free, and that way I get on a scale every week. I signed up last time to see if I was losing too fast for no reason. Thinking about going back to Sommersizing again. The good old food combing from the sixties, seems to work for me.

Seems like I've tried everything except Atkins. Sommmersizing is close, but not restrictive on good carbs. The no white stuff rule seems to help me feel good.

Let's go for a walk when you have a minute. I've been pushing Nicky around, can't wait for his little legs to get a little longer. I figure he gets enough miles in my living room.

Can cord clamping increase Bilirubin levels?

2007-01-16T08:21:00.000-05:00

( a comment I left at neonataldoc's blog, he was commenting on billilights possibles causing moles. )

Wondering if anyone has a link to support that the premature clamping of the umbillical cord may be the cause of high bilirubin levels.

Many natural birthers believe that you should at least wait for the cord to stop pulsing before clamping it. This allows the blood to go where it needs to. Funny thing is when I asked to delay clapming the cord at an OB practice, all four doctors gave me different answers why they had to clamp right away. Two were in direct conflict. One said the baby will get to much blood, another said that baby will loose blood back into the mom, another said mom would bleed too much, and the other said they needed to get the baby under the warmer right away or the baby would get cold. Funny none of that happened when I had a baby at the midwife's birth center, where they wrapped up the placenta and put baby, husband and I down for a nap, in the same bed, before clamping and cutting the cord hours later.

Sure, if neohero needs to help the baby, waiting for dad to fumble the scissors is silly, but for healthy full term babies I don't see the rush.

Where do we draw the line?

2007-01-08T15:49:00.000-05:00

Welcome to Blogspot Fellowman, http:://bulgingbag.blogspot.com

In my mind there is no debate, it should be up to the parents to decide the fate of their baby, everytime.

When interviewing my care provider for my last pregnancy, one of my questions was, 'Will you help protect my baby from aggressive care?'.

I had a feeling with this one, that it wasn't meant to survive. I wanted to protect it from being delayed in becoming an angel, or tortured. Turns out that I chose well. When I called her at 10 weeks (LMP) to see what her protocol was, she said I could go for a D&C but she didn't recomend it. A previous provider had sent me to ER, and that was horrible. So much easier this time, just letting my body handle it. The medical industry messes with birth, why didn't I realize they would mess with miscarriage also.

I'm a natural birth advocate. I firmly believe we are safer birthing at home, with a qualified attendant and a nearby hospital.

Should I have tried to rescue my blighted ovum? Many people would think that by just miscarrying, with only a phone call for care that I didn't do enough. Where do we draw the line?

She seems Definate

2007-01-04T08:01:00.000-05:00

Saw the Doctor last night. From what I described she said blighted ovum, no longer pregnant. No tests, just call if I have any extra bleeding. Since I hardly spot the pad after only three days, I think it's over.

I look pale as a ghost. My husband sugested the tanning booth to fix it. I asked him to go make me another chocolate milkshake, and he packed me lunch. I haven't really lost that much blood, I think it's just the hormones making a sudden change. I'm back to work today. I took two days to lay around the house. My timing is terrible. The misscarriage occured the last night of our holiday shutdown. At least this time I was only out for two days. Last time I was out for a week and in misery. It figures, the medical industry would be hurtful and harmful about miscarriage just like birth. Without the trip to ER, and the drugs, this time it was much easier. My body rocks.

Asking about birth control slipped my mind. Do I want another child or is four enough. (counting three I gave birth to, and one step-child.)

Well, if I think about it long enough, Gods will decide for me.

Likely to be over now.

2007-01-03T10:43:00.000-05:00

Well, I think I have miscarried. It was easy this time. I wonder if the doctor's drugs made the first one harder. The first time I was given methergine and pain pills. I was in agony for more than a week.

This time, I spotted a little and lost the plug in the morning, and then that evening I emptied my uterus with a spash. Can't see how there could be a baby left in there after that much glop. I see my doctor tonight, and we'll see what she says. When I paged her to see what her protocol was, she said I could go get a D&C but she doesn't recommend it, and to keep my appointment today. That trip to the ER with the first was hell, glad to skip it this time.

It really wasn't a good time to have a baby anyways. My youngest is only two and we are still nursing. I work full time, and they just gutted my benefits. Maybe later, but the idea of hauling another one around seemed daunting.

Going to ask about birth control. I don't think there is any safe answer.

Really glad I didn't spared the news around in real life. Don't feel sad about this, I already have three children and a step child, five may have been to many.

Nine weeks and counting

2006-12-20T12:54:00.000-05:00

How long can I maintain the illusion of getting fat? Naked it is really obvious that my belly is getting bigger, but when I'm dressed, I just look like I'm getting fat.

I guess being well endowed with curves has its advantages. I started out this preg around 160. Other have started at 178, 162, and 138, and I ended up just shy of 200 each time.

Since that day I walked into Ma's and she said, "Please tell me you're not pregnant.", about six months ago, I don't think I'll be telling my family anytime soon.

Waiting as long as I can to tell the girls. At 6,8 and 10 they think a week is a long time. I get big quick, so I'm hoping for baggy sweaters for Christmas. Since it's winter, I get a little more bulky clothing advantage.

The cult of Vaccines

2006-12-14T09:02:00.000-05:00

Bring it on, go ahead with your no-sense. Why should I torture my healthy child to protect your sickly one. Why is it safe to inject newborns with mercury? Why do we keep having those scarey news articles about polio outbreaks among the unimmunized, which fail to mention that it is the vaccine strain of polio, and the wild one hasn't been seen in the US in decades?

Then let's discuss the skyrocketing rates of cancer and adhd, and diabetes, and autism, which are temporally related to the increase in 'mandatory' vaccines. Temporally related means at the same point in time, and doesn't prove a causal link.

I'm angry. The hoo hoo the people spewed over at neonatal doc upsets me. How can these very intelligent people be so misled? That new Gardisil vaccine is scarey. Just barely approved, and now heavily advertised. I doesn't prevent cancer, it provides some immunity against a virus which may be linked to cervical cancer. People are pushing to make it mandatory, and we don't really have any data to show it it even safe.

Immunizing your child puts mine at risk. My friends keep their children away from the recently immunized ones. Shedding the manmade virii, frankencreated for vaccinations hasn't even been studied. The recent rise in shingles seems to coincide with the varicella vaccine. Why vaccinate against chickenpox? Oh, because the immnocomprised ones soemetimes die from it, rarely a healthy child. Why are there so many immunocompromised ones, vaccinations. Kids need to get sick to train their immune systems.

Please go see www.909shot.com for more details.

Harrassed?

2006-12-06T15:02:00.000-05:00

Someone at mothering.com asked us to ask our timid friends if they have been harrassed. She wondered if it happened to timid people too.

Here's what I replied:

Harassed by whom?

I used to be a timid mom, harrasment made me who I am.

The sOB who said breaking my water 2.5 weeks before my due date wouldn't interfer with my natural birth plans. Same sOB (surgical OBstetrician) allowed 30 seconds for me to attemp breastfeeding with no help before declaring time's up and convincing the dad to dump 2.5 ounces of formula into my first.

The peds who answered try supplimenting to any concern.

The peds who never reported adverse vaccine reactions with my first.

The pediatrician who claimed that at a year my baby needed cow milk, that human milk and real food including organic greens wasn't good enough.

The nurses who keep asking what formula, and make faces when I say none. Repeatedly asking how much milk, when I am nursing.

The ex who coerced me into weaning because pregnant, or before an airplane ride.

The employer who took away part of my maternity leave after returning to work, and said you know better now, no midwife.

Dr. Amy Tutuer who runs a 'debate' and bans anyone who supports homebirth.

The boss who looked like a deer in the headlights everytime I mentioned nursing/pumping.

The online mommy groups who think it is out of line to nurse near a pool.

The church who wanted me to dump my milk and replace it with their 'free safer formula' since human milk is a 'biohazard'. (quotes mean false)

The priest who laughed and said, no breastfeeding, even in my car in the parking lot, the women would be cruel to me.

Sorry, I just reread your thread starter. I don't have any friends who are unlikely to complain. I choose carefully.

I am a hunter

2006-12-05T14:30:00.000-05:00

Feel free to comment in Etherspace

2006-12-05T08:45:00.000-05:00

The Shh it's a secret was for real life. Feel free to chime in here, or elsewhere in etherspace. Even go tell toots that I found a doctor who does home births. I can't tell her, I'm still banned.

I met the Doctor yesterday. Wow, how'd she get that degree, and keep her morals and marbles. I'm thrilled. The booklet they handed me with the paperwork covered most of my concerns on page 8. I cheered when I read that page. She routinely does testing equivelent to my wishes, which means almost none. She assures me I am pregnant, with no testing. She said if I don't like the doppler, the only penalty is that I won't hear the heartbeat until 20 weeks, and it doesn't really matter anyways. She liked my vitamins and supplements, especially the yeast defense (TM).

Wow, contrast that to the other sOBs who diagnosed me with ammenoria (no period) until the blood work ($400 worth) came back to change the result. Wow, a doctor who believe women can give birth if they aren't interfered with 90% of the time, and 5% may need a little help, the other 5% may need more extreme measures. Contrast that with the 30% C rate in the US this year.

So excited to share the healing with you all. For all three previous babies I was in an adversarial position with my care provider. It wasn't until eight months into the third pregnancies when I woke up and went to an unlicensed midwife. I was forced to choose another provider this time by my employer, in order to get my maternity leave.

More soon, I'm hoping to blog lots about how the otherside is so much safer. Go tell toots, she can get stuffed. So looking forward to care without the dead baby drum, and the I know better than you horn. No GBS, no quad screen, no ultrasounds, no doppler, just sound advice about eating, and sharing any concerns. So nice to have someone who has confidence in me, not the machines that go bleep.

Shhh It's a Secret

2006-11-28T10:44:00.000-05:00

In the previous post, I forgot to mention. I'm not sharing this possible baby with the world yet. Please don't tell, or talk to me about it. I've miscarried before, and it was hard doing the unannouncing.

Having unreasonable fears about facing another doctor. I've been told she's a midwife in doctor clothing. That's the best compliment I've ever heard. To face medical mistraining in order to be licensed in this draconian state which doesn't offer any way to license a laymidwife. She's also a lactation consultant, so that means she may be more supportive of not weaning Darling Son, just because I'm older and pregg'd. Many sOBs would pressure me to stop immediately, unaware of the stress it would cause me.

I had a dream, where I was waiting in a nice big airy well decorated space to meet my new doctor. My fear of heights overwhelmed me. I could see and hear what was going on with the other patients. I woke up before meeting her, but I don't think I stayed long enough to meet her, because of the way I could see down the stairs and out the window.

In real life, I'm considering whether I should write up a questionaire, a list of preferences, and some of my history in advance. I don't wnat to scare her, but maybe she's already on the same page. It's not like I have much of a choice. I need a doctor to save me from my disability plan overseer, and CPS. I can't go without care, because that is ...

No Name as of yet...

2006-11-27T15:55:00.000-05:00

Here we go again. Darling Hubby was thrilled to hear the news.

You'd think with my thourough statistiacal background, and knowledge of the obstetric meat grinder, I wouldn't use the calendar for birth control. But what about God's will? Maybe he feels the I should give birth a fourth time. Maybe he feels I should make another angel. He never gives us more than we can handle. Sure why not have another baby at the age of 41?

Too bad I can't post this to the debacle, and give them the blow by blow of my version of a pregnancy and birth. Toots only allows her side into the debate.

Fortunately, I have found a doctor who does homebirths. Wow, there is a God, and she's looking after me.

Advice for a Mom who was told to wean to treat thrush.

2006-10-10T08:11:00.000-04:00

(this is a reply I posted to a thread at mothering.commune for a mom who was told to wean her 1.5 year old baby to treat thrush. There was other standard advice already posted.)

The ex ped told me at eight months to just use formula. I had mentioned that the nystatin was making it hard to pump. (Nystatin is a common, horrible antifungal prescribed for thrush, and is greasy.) I wanted another type of treatment, not just the same old supplement line of crap.

I called back the Lactation Consultant in the practice, and she set me up with a pharmacy which had gentian violet. I stains the baby blue, but is much better than thrush.

And pumping was easy without the greasy parts. I was working full time, and not suplementing, so decreasing my output was a concern.

Years laters, for another baby, I went straight to LLL. That time, it may not have been thrush, they thought it was dermititis, a skin allergy. Keeping the shampoo, and other soaps away from the area, and changing my laundry to soap free made a permanant cure.

Other tips, I love the Yeast Defense pills, hot peppers and probiotics all in one pill. The midwife also recomended breaking a probiotic capsule open, and sprinkling the power on the affected area.

You're not alone in getting horrible advice which ends with wean. I avoid doctors for all but stiches. LLL and kellymom combined with mothering.commune solves 99% of the issues that the peds used to mislead me about. Any doubts and I call my unlicensed midwife for the real answers. What a shame that the most reliable care is not offered a license in Michigan.

Did anyone mention water and rest to boost your body's natural defenses? The no sugar really helps, also flour and refined grains can fuel the yeast. Basically the white foods promote it, and whole foods prevent it.

For lots more about the many things that yeast causes, and doctors treat with surgery, read The Yeast Connection. That book claims that most of our mysterious illnesses which doctors fail to control are actually caused by yeasy overgrowth.

Hope you feel better. Great thinking Mama, come here whenever anyone says wean. The breastfeeding isn't the probelm, its the answer.

Epi vs Hot Tub

2006-08-17T10:06:00.000-04:00

(Toots at the debacle is debating the effectiveness of water immersion for pain relief in birth.)

Natural birth meant less pain overall.

The epi for my first birth stopped labor. It tooks hours for me to convince them to turn it off, so I could get going again. 25 hours of hell. I hurt worse than a traffic accident after, and my mothering ability was compromised due to loss of confidence in my natural ability.

For the next two, I went natural. I was up and around right away, empowered to care for my new baby. Overall the pain was much less. The recovery was faster.

The second was in the inhospitalbe, and since I was forced onto my back, I tore.

The third was in the water. Only a tiny tear, which didn't need repair. For the third, I didn't even get any pain meds for recovery. It forced me to rest, as my body required.

Toots, you say water birth is dangerous, and then say we should study its effectiveness. I'm confused.

Birth should empower a mom, not cause trauma due to calloused care.

Sue

(the ban seems to have expired.)

Ranting about Banning

2006-08-09T08:30:00.000-04:00

( a reply I posted in my moomy group to questions about why I got banned. )

No explanation, no reply to my email asking for it. I posted my goodbye from another computer, and she deleted the goodbye, and banned that computer too.

Since some of my posts are still there, I put a goodbye on my blog.

You've seen my style, I really try to be respectful here. There I was getting a little more snarky. Her Name is Dr. Amy Tutuer, MD, but I started calling her toots. Toots the I know better than you horn, and bangs the dead baby drum. Just a little humour, no cursing. She maintains, with no evidence to prove it, that homebirth makes more dead babies, but women choose it for 'the experience'. There's even a British Doctor who points to overwhelming evidence in England on the safety of homebirth. They can have a homebirth even on public assistance. 80% of women only see midwives. There is seemless transfer of care with no acrimony like transfers are treated here.

As is typical, she was spouting her personal feelings, and claiming that science, studies and research supported her. We have been having fun poking huge holes in every argument.

Today's complaint is "why do DEMs charge so much" DEM is direct entry midwife, like Brigett who attended the birth of my son Nicholas. She thinks $2500 is too much for the entire cost of prenatal, labor, and post natal services, including testing. In my mind it's not enough to keep them in business. Most DEMs barely scrape by, and some get donations from grateful previous clients.

So tempted to send the hordes of angry internet women from mothering.com after her. They have a forum which supported me through the trials at Northridge when they asked me to refill my bottle with 'free safer formula'.

Does everyone know the differences between DEM, CPM, CNM and sOBs (surgical OBstetricians)? Maybe she was tired of my sOB acronym, but I did spell it out. CNM and OBs view pregnancy as a disease, and rescue the fetus. DEMs and CPMs view birth as normal, and only send you to OBs when things out of the range of normal happen. (beware of Sue's sweeping generalization, there are many good and bad exceptions to my general rule.)

I wouldn't mind so much if she hadn't put it at the top of the page that both sides are welcome. She's banned a few others that I know of. She also made a big deal that she'd stop selectively censoring, and it seems to be happening again. She should have at least left my goodbye up. People will be wondering if I'm okay, I was a regular there, and people were noticing my point of view.

Thanks for listening. Still trying to work through my feelings on this. It makes me angry to see her saying that she won't do any backup care for midwives because they are all unprofessional, and dangerous. That's the trouble with homebirth around here, hostile hospital will start over on arrival, instead of picking up from the midwives direction. many midwives become doulas as they pass through the hospital doors. In Michigan we have no licensing for DEMs, they are not illegal like some states, but their not protected by a license like in others. A woman should be able to choose anything from an elective C to an unassisted homebirth, without worrying about CPS (child protective services) punishing you for child abuse, or a hospital letting the baby die while lecturing you on the evils of birthing, instead of providing the care the midwife decided you needed there.

Oh, and to answer your questions T, I can view the site, but not post. No, she doesn't moderate, only deletes parts that don't support her point of view, after posting. She gave me no warning that I was out of line. I think she was just tired of being called toots, it probably happens to her in real life. (her last name is Tutuer -> toots)

Thanks for listening, I feel better now.

I got banned

2006-08-08T16:36:00.000-04:00

After many posts, and much time invested in a debate I was banned
from the homebirth debate http://homebirthdebate.com with no
explanation.

I did not curse or threaten. I did give her a nickname toots like
toots the I know better than you horn. I did mention possibly
deleting some of myposts.

What is the custom for this in etherspace? Should she have sent me
a message that she deleted some comments, and why? Should I get an
explanation for being banned?

The page says it's a forum for debate with both pros and cons
welcome. She has banned at least one other, who left a note on my
blog to say so. She is vitriolic in her hatred of homebirthers and
midwives. I thought we were working through her issues, and she
might recover. It was entertaining to keep putting bits of my story
out there, hoping she could see the other side.

I know its her blog, and she can do whatever she wants, but I'd like
to know what was appropriate. I posted as Sue or Sue - an engineer
mom.

Does anyone want to go there and mention Sue got banned with no
reason? I'm not really looking to attack her by sending hordes of
angry women to her site, I'd just like someone to say goodby for
me. I got to know a few of the regulars, and they might miss me.

Someone else understands

2006-08-04T13:57:00.000-04:00

(This is someone else's comment posted to the debacle, posted with her permission.)

From delightfulmomma:

...It's hard to find ideas that are wackier than Dr. Odent's...

Let me think of some:

Women should lie down when giving birth.

Women should have fingers placed in her vagina at regular intervals to "check" her performance.

Women should have needles placed into their spines and anaesthetic injected (that risks death and paralysis).

If labor stops or slows down to give a woman a rest, even if the baby is doing fine, we shall inject a synthetic drug (made from pig product) into the woman to "start her up again".

We shall make a biological physiological process as unatural as possible so that as many as 1:3 or 4 women need major abdominal surgery to relieve them of their offspring.

We shall sever the umbilical cord and its vital component of blood (up to 200mls) as soon as the baby is born.

We shall break the waters of the amniotic sack that protects the baby at all labors to speed labor up despite their still being no reliable scientific evidence that says that this practice does in fact speed things up!

Obstetrics:crazy crazy people doing crazy things every day!
Obstetrics: conning women, performing unecessary surgery and misleading the public every day!
Obstetrics: if you want to make money, not have to be particularily bright in medical terms and only have to perform a couple of easy peasy surgical techniques in your career, this is the medical path for you! Obstetrics: anyone can do it!Join now for your easy course on :
1. How to perform a caesarean.
2.How to sew up a caesarean.
This 2 day course will show you how to do this now with an even easier one layer technique. Medics...Don`t mess with complicated heart surgery or play with intricate opthalmology, take the easy option with far more money to make! Course sponsored by pitocin.

Happy note

2006-08-04T08:51:00.000-04:00

(a reply to the mommy group, someone wanted a happy story for the day.)

The weather was icky, so we didn't go to Dairy Dan's for the clown making balloon animals. Instead I convinced them it would be more fun to make a bunch of our own. Waiting in line for one, takes way longer than making a dozen puppies.

So I broke out the pump, and a handful of balloons. Blew a few up and wandered away. Well, she said they were out of ballons, so I went to help. Thinking I'd be blowing up more. Nope, they figured out how to tie them, and needed more empties. Neat, my finger went numb the day before from tying all of them.

They had a blast. Sophia made puppies, and tried to copy the seahorse from the clowns at the Civic Center Library (that was Tuesday). Veronica made a parachute. I made swords. So cute seeing the balloons tied all around her. Sophia liked it and made one too.

I mentioned how nice it was that Sophia liked it so much, she made one too. Happy balloon sounds then were sent to the basement, so I could let Nicky out of his highchair. No ballooons for babies, choking hazard.

They played for another happy hour in the basement with them, while Nicky caused as much mayhem as he could. He can now get loose from the high chair, open the kitchen gate, turn the TV, VCR and Sattelite on and off, and reset the computer. Fun ;)

I didn't get a chance to finish my book. The Wizard of London, Mercedes Lackey. I didn't pick up my crochet either. We're making an afgan of granny squares. I have a little notebook where they design squares, so I can make them later. They choose a pattern in the book, and copy to the notebook, picking from the colors we have. We've got quite a pile of squares in the corner, and keep laying them out, or throwing them like frisbees.

Homebirthers deserve good care at hospitals.

2006-08-04T08:24:00.000-04:00

(another reply to the homebirth debacle.)

Dr Amy, still looking for a reply about backup OBs. Do you accpet homebirthers? Will you provide backup care?

It might have been nice to be able to keep my sOB, when I fled to a lay midwife in my eighth month of pregnancy. After taking the hospital tour, I was horrified by the attitudes and facilities.

They only had a level one neonatal intensive care unit, which means not even enough to stabilize. Immediate transport by helicopter to another facility, without mom or dad. Mom wouldn't be released for at least twenty four hours to follow, and dad couldn't fly with the baby.

They made a big deal that you could drink water during labor, if your doc approves.

They did not have a tub, and said the shower would do the same.

By choosing to birth at the midwife's office, in her tub. I was safer. Her office was 7 minutes from deciding to go, to getting a C section at a facility with a level 4 neonatal intensive care unit. They would prep the room, with a phone call from her, and be ready on arrival.

How does your hospital treat a call from a midwife having trouble? Or do they not even call your facility?

Homebirth is much safer with good relations at a hospital. For the 5% who choose to transfer, they should recieve immediate good care, not a stern lecture on the evils of homebirth.

I've read stories where the hospital is so hostile, they don't act on the midwife's concerns, and start over, with intake questions and tests, letting the baby die.

I was a believer

2006-08-04T08:00:00.000-04:00

(posted as a reply to neonataldoc HIb)

I was a believer. I updated my shots before trying to concieve.

After a year of her getting very sick after every shot, and seeing two of her immunizations recalled, I woke up and started reading. One of her vaccines was recalled for overdosing newborn babies with mercury. That was the published reason. The other for bowel obstructions.

It was hard to watch my child suffer from the vaccinations. The doctors didn't report even one occurance to the VARS database. The doc made the call that it was unrelated, and didn't follow the rules. Vaccine incidents are 95% underreported.

The screaming, the rainbow poops, and the worry was only there for the 7-10 days after each shot.

How 'bout the way that SIDS peaks in two perfect bell curves centered around two and four months age. Same as immunization time.

The only polio seen in the US for more than a decade, is the vaccine strain, not the wild one. Most polio cases in the US recently were caused by the oral vaccine. The caregivers were catching it from the diapers.

And what about the nasty preservatives.

I will not vaccinate my son. It was hard enough watching my daughter suffer.

And before you get on your high horse, vaccines are contraindicated if siblings had bad reactions. It says so right on the manufacturers pamphlet. So even the medicos would agree not to vaccinate another.

I loved the line in the varicella vaccine pamphlet. "There is no evidence of sutained immunity in the absence of wild booosting." So if we vaccinate the kids, they may get chickepox as adults.

Breast feed or Else. ..... (N)

2006-07-31T13:06:00.000-04:00

(reply to a post on my mainstream mommy group. waiting for permission before posting the story I replied to. Started with comments about a New york Times article entitled Breast feed or Else.)

Donning my flame proof undies,

Please understand, we aren't critisizing you. We are critisizing
the poor treatment you recieved. When I read your story, I see
medicos taking your choices away. Phrases like had to, instead of
decided to. Please understand, we are trying to help prevent other
moms from recieving calloused care.

Armed with natural birth ideals, I was lied to by doctors, and
almost had a C with my first, after being told breaking my water to
start labor would not interfer with my natural birth plans. After
arguing for hours for them to turn down the meds, I finally
was 'allowed' to push even though they made it clear they would
rather be doing a C.

A woman should be able to choose anything fromm elective, scheduled
C to unassisted home birth, and be able to go to a hospital a be
treated well no matter her choice.

I just blogged about this today. We don't say your choice is wrong,
we say our choices weren't supported. How many lay midwives turn
into doulas as they pass through hospital doors?

What happens when an unassisted home birther decides to get help,
because she feels she needs it? How 'bout calling CPS? It has
happened.

How do you feel about me nursing my son? In public? At twenty two
months? Not often, but it happens. Did you just judge me, or do
you think I was judging you? No, we hope for support. I try to
view posts in the context of helpful, not hurtful.

Sue

(PS N, can I post your reply below on my blog?, It really
illustrates some of the points we've been discussing elsewhere. I
would remove your identifying bits, since it is a public blog, I
would never post from here to there without permission. )

Safe equals Legal

2006-07-31T09:55:00.000-04:00

(another reply to the debacle.)

Amy, "It is illuminating that the truth about homebirth could be seen as a vendetta."

http://www.collegeofmidwives.org/legal_legislative01/synopsis.htm

Yes it is, illuminating, to see midwives prosecuted by doctors. We only needed homebirth advocacy after the medicos started their midwife hunting.

Homebirth should be legallized, and supported. How would you fee if even one midwife hesitated to bring mom in for additional care, because of a hostel hospital staff. How many midiwfes turn into doulas as they pass through the hosptital doors.

I support choice, from elective C to unassisted home birth. It should be legal and supported, so when more care is required, there is no fear of getting it.

Many medicos are jaded against homebirth, because they have only seen the ones desparate enough to wade into the medical territory. With bad relations, sometimes, too late.

What? A 'doctor' said no benefits for Mom in Breastfeeding

2006-07-25T12:04:00.000-04:00

(Yet another comment on the homebirth debacle site.)

She tooted, "I strongly recommend breastfeeding to everyone, but that's because of the known benefits for the baby, not because of health benefits for the mother, which appear to restricted to a very small group."

It's lipservice like this that prevents breastfeeding from being seen as beneficial and normal.

The benefits to mom are too numerous to mention, but here's a few.

Oxytocin is released during let down, a feel good hormone.

Formula can cause post partum depression. Mom's body thinks the baby died if it doesn't nurse.

500 or so extra calories a day.

Never needing to take more than a diaper and some wipes when I go out. Imagine, no diaper bag full of crap to haul. I throw a diaper in my purse, and I'm off. I keep wipes in the truck. I bring a bottle of water for me to drink.

I needed to buy nothing for nursing, no hooter hider, no creams, no bottles, no just in case/sabotage formula, no shields.

I chose to buy a boppy, a stool and a pump. But those are optional.

Mom's pocketbook doesn't need to buy formula.

No running out of formula and needing to go buy some. No getting up to get a bottle while baby screams "why is this taking so long, just whip it out." for about five minutes.

Other fun bits, going to nurse ins, and nurse outs can be fun. LLL is entertainment, and much better help than any medico has provided.

A couple ten minute breaks a day to read my book while I was still pumping.

Oh, and did you miss the recent news, Tutuer, breastfeeding cuts your breast cancer risk in half, being breastfed cuts your risk in half again. You were right on one point, breastfeeding the American way for a couple of weeks doesn't help much. I seem to remember at least two years was needed over the lifetime. I'm in my sixth year of nursing, non-consequetive. Two children are formula free, the other has tummy trouble, allergies, and excema.

At least admit it to yourself Tutuer, you are actively sabotaging those poor women. We must present nursing as normal. New moms don't have time for extras. It's foolish to think formula is easier, or frees up mom. You will spent time with a fussy baby, which could have been pleasantly nursing with your feet up.

Safer birthing in the middle of a freeway.

2006-07-20T14:37:00.000-04:00

(This was someone else's reply to my comment (previous post in myblog) posted to the homebirth debacle site. I asked permission to post it here, because I am so pleased that someone got it.)

From anon:

Gosh Sue, lucky you were in hospital eh?

Dr Amy should spend less time spouting her antipathy and more time listening to stories like yours.Maybe if the docs got it right, women would not be wanting to birth at home. Faced with a doctor who says homebirths are dangerous and hopsital safer after an experience such as yours, I wouldnt be suprised if you decided that birthing in the middle of a freeway was more preferable.

V's birth story

2006-07-20T08:50:00.000-04:00

( posted as a reply on the homebirth debacle site - my point is that measuring natural birth outcomes can't happen in a hospital, they aren't set up for a natural birth, only medical.)

Whoops, I put the wrong name on the principle. Must not have been Heisenburg. I am sure my instrumentation (how meters work) class hammered it. You cannot measure without disturbing. Can anyone remember the name?

I'd like to hear more about sailing, that was very refreshing.

I still maintain there is no evidence that homebirths are significantly more dangerous. All data presented so far was either flawed or indeterminate. Where indeterminate was translated to unsafe.

The Quantum Physics bit can be greatly applied to homebirth. If I feel I have the power within me to birth, I am likely to do so. If I am looking to the allmighty medico to rescue my baby from my uterus, I am likely to receive. (For reference watch the recent Movie, What the bleep do I know)

For my first I fell for the "break your water or go home" ultimatum. He said it would not not effect my natural birth plans, and induced labor that way. I did managed to birth vaginally, but much trauma, including a 300 pound nurse pushing on my belly, even as I told her to stop.

For my second, I was given the same ultimatum. After being told I was at 6cm, they said, not fast enough, break your water or go home. I chose to leave, and Viola, suddenly I was declared 4cm. I transitioned at home after a pizza and a good night's rest. I would have pushed that baby out unattended, if the Ex hadn't piled me into the car. 15 minutes from front door to baby, and I had to fight every minute.

My natural Birth in the hospital.

Walk in front door, in bathrobe, sweating, pushy. They tried to put me in a wheelchair, I refused saying that the baby's head was to far down to sit, and insisted on walking.

After pushing elevator button, nurse wants to do a vaginal exam in the elavator. I refused.

The nurse would not break down the bed, and refused to allow me into a position to push, until a doctor arrived from ER. (I had called maternity, and said I was on the way. I made it clear I was pushy.)

ER doc arrives, and orders Lactated wringers. I yell, I'm not a traffic accident, and argue, until they are distracted. The bleeping fetal monitor has moved, the rates are now the same, mine and the baby's. They yell the baby's heartrate dropped and force oxygen onto me. I resist and tell them I am hyperventilating, and that the heart rates are the same.

I push the oxygen aside, and yell its burning. The assistant doula says, from her corner behind the equipment, "that is good, it should you're almost there." I accepted her advice to push through it, it was a good thing, a sign we were progressing. And out came V, she literally pushed off my rib cage and came out with a splash. Suprised ER doc catches, barely, and I start telling him not to clamp the cord. Fortunately he listened to me, for a little while. The sOb I had, made it clear he would be clamping right away. At least the ER doc did wait a little.

After clamp and cut, the doc starting pulling on my cord. I repeatedly told him to stop, it may cause hemmorage. When I pushed out the placenta, he wasn't paying close atttention, to me or the bowl of fluid full on the floor. Yep, I hit a bowl full of fluids and it splashed all over the doc, and covered under the bed too. (by accident.) Quite a mess.

Minutes later I was out of bed, and the nurse was requesting a bath so she could handle the baby without gloves. I said I preffered that she wear gloves.

My mom washed up the baby while I had a quick shower. (My Mom, and doula were stuck in the hall for the birth. They were denied entrance, even though permitted on my birthplan.)

Right after my support staff left, so I could rest. Another nurse came in and said they needed the room, I needed to pack and move down the hall. I refused to pack, and pleaded for her to do it, pointing out that if she had asked minutes sooner, my support staff would have been happy to help me.

She said they were full, and since I was now considered super healthy low risk, they were putting me in the private super clean room since I wouldn't contaminate it like (techno) deliveries might. She may have said something like more difficult instead of techno. The room was usually keep empty for those with compromised immune systems who needed an almost germ free isolation.

I wanted to go home right away, but no one would take me home until I ws released. 22 hours later I left, with a huge rash covering my buttocks and thighs caused by an allergic reaction to their sheets.

How's that for an unintendeded complication. It was real fun trying to heal that rash while nursing a newborn.

Glove safety

2006-07-19T12:49:00.000-04:00

( reply to Tuteur's Debacle - concerning the drop in maternal mortallity. )

The drop in maternal mortallity is usually atributed to the doctors finally getting a clue and washing their hands before inserting them into the women. Midwives had been doing that all along, or better yet not inserting/disturbing.

Cervical checks only on maternal request. Could you handle it? There is no reason to be nucking about in there. Birthing from Within, we all have the power, not the (allmighty) doctors.

I can remember forcing the quack to change his gloves before insertion. He argued and said he just put new gloves on. I pointed out he had handled the pen, and the fetal monitor since putting on the gloves. The gloves were apparently there for his safety, not mine.

The Formula Conspiracy

2006-07-18T13:55:00.000-04:00

(this is a comment I left at neonataldoc.blogspot.com in reply to his question why a medicaid HMO repeatedly lies and says that hospital grade breastpumps aren't covered.)

Thanks, NeoHero for covering a topic close to my heart. I was a lactivist, before it had that name.

Have you thought about the formula industry doing some active sabotage in this case? I always try to see where a formula rep may have been there first.

A formula rep visited my ex-chucrh and gave them 'free safer formula' to provide to mothers who brought breastmilk to the church nursery. I was asked to dump my "bottle of hazardous bodily fluid and refill it with free safer formula". Very effective, a shamed based message followed by free poison, from a source of spiritual guidance.

Since formula is made by Ross, I might guess that they strong armed somewhere. Look for the conspiracy.

Or it could be as simple as those reps think formula is good enough, and breastfeeding is an extra that medcaid recipients do not deserve. Most people view BFing as an extra, not a normal.

Breast is Normal. If you know of any Nurse Ins or Nurse Out I can post them to my yahoo group, nurseoutmichigan. I've helped promote a couple local nurse ins already. Did you see me on the six o'clock news for the Victoria Secret Nationwide Nurse In.

How 'bout those weight charts? In 1998 I had to fight to not supplement. The fleas were concerned because she was at 20% and settling gently. They didn't even believe me when I said their charts were for formula fed babies, and someone has to be at 20% anyways. There were formula ads on the chart itself.

Just picked a new flea, in 2005 a Doctor had to confirm online that I had a real CDC weight chart for breastfed babies, and didn't just make it up. He was about to give me a feed him more lecture, but on my chart, my baby was at 50%.

Oh, and I just love the recent ER visit where the doctor stitching my son was concerned he might not be getting enough calcium because he was still breastfeeding at 18 months. I told her my (new)pediatrician was not concerned.

I have been barraged with wean him, and what they really mean is cow milk in a bottle. My baby weaned himself from the bottle at 11 months, but continues to nurse. He eats real food, and drinks water anytime he likes, we keep it available.

I know, long comment, back to your topic. I showed a few examples of why breast is considered extra, and not needed, to illustrate how the denial of decent pumps is part of the bigger formula conspiracy.

Boycott Nestle, they are killing babies in third world contries by giving free formula in the hospital, so moms don't start nursing. Then after the two huge free cans run out, moms can't afford enough powder, and the water isn't safe. Babies die of disintery.

A doctor actually said pitocin is an exact copy of oxytocin.

2006-07-14T15:10:00.000-04:00

(This is a reply I posted to the Homebirth debacle board.)

Amy spouted, "Third, synthetic oxytocin (pitocin) is an exact copy of natural oxytocin."

Do you actually believe this? I guess that explains why quacks feel justified hitting most moms with the pitocin stick. The last maternity triage area I was in, gave every mom pitocin, even the ones who just came in and were laboring normally.

Pitocin increases pain in labor. Oxytocin is regulated my mom/baby. How can you keep mucking about with things we don't really understand?

Yes, I do believe that interfering with a natural labor lowers the mothers quality of life. Post Traumatic Stress disorder induced by callousness. The baby mill can beat the life out of you.

The baby friendly hospital guidelines state that immediate bonding is very important. Are you saying it isn't?

You keep going from relative values to absolutes, taking offense where none was intended. Dr. Odent stated that things were dimished, not gone. Your jumps to offensive conclusions reveal a deep seated issue. Please go get help. I'll pray for you.

Not feeling superior, feeling protective. Now that I have done it both ways, I would like to spare others the pain of hospital birth.

Formula feeding moms have similar issues. Just because I want to be able to do it my way, doesn't mean that you have to be the same. Protecting my rights doesn't invalidate your choices. Taking offense because he states facts trying to protect women, is like bottle moms gettting mad at me when I'm upset because someone told me I should refill my bottle of expressed breast milk with free safer formula, so I wouldn't endanger other babies in their care.

Homebirth Debate?

2006-07-12T07:24:00.000-04:00

Hi All you wonderful followers from the home birth debate site. Or is it neonatal doc? I seem to be getting some traffic here and will try to post more often. Thanks.

Has Dr Amy been here yet? My life is enough to make her blood boil. I believed in the medical mill before my first baby. I even updated my immunizations before trying to concieve. Now I will not immunize, and feel safer birthing alone, than with a herd of medicos shouting at me.

I blows my mind how some people feel that because a certain choice is better for them, it should be good for me too. From unassisted home birth to elective C section, it should be the woman's choice. Who are we to say what she should do? Why does Dr. Amy spend so much energy with her bombasts. I can't really call it a debate, she just misdirects, she hasn't done one valid refution yet.

British Doc has been a shining beacon of light from England. He said that there, the lower income moms are more likely to birth at home. It's not just for the well educated white women. He shows how normal and accepted homebirth is there. Homebirth paid for by public assistance? Did I really hear him say that? Sounds too good to be true.

Thanks to all my new visitors. Seems like my comments aren't just sent off into etherspace never to be seen again. I may not be able to help Dr. Amy, but at least now I don't feel so alone.

Take back your rights. Our medical choices are being governed by others' religious beliefs.